Cosmic Noodles

Late Night Snack

2012-02-07T20:32:00.000-08:00

This is how I felt at 1am this morning, when I absolutely HAD to have a piece of toast with apricot jam!

Item #211 they don't tell you about pregnancy - the late-night eating!

Pippa Pippa Bo Bippa, Banana Fanna Fo Fippa!

2012-02-04T18:36:00.000-08:00

So naming this kid is a lot harder than I originally thought.

We know that Pippa is cute and awesome, but we still have the problem of her initials being 'P.P.', which I'm sure is setting her up for school life of playground teasing.

Then again, that would toughen her up pretty quick, and if she's born on time she'll end up being a sensitive Pieces in need of some toughness (coming from a family full of weepy Piceans, I can speak to this).

Anyways, Scott and I have a list that we're constantly referring back to, adding and removing, and then re-adding.

We have a handful of names that we like, but after spending 9 months reading every baby name blog/top 100 name list for every developed country on earth, it makes one's head spin a little.

As my awesome cousin/pregnancy consultant R told me, sometimes the late night name epiphanies are best kept there - late at night. (Her gorgeous little girl might have been called 'Azalea' otherwise!)

'Oh aren't you as pretty as a potted plant?!'

In naming a baby, you want a name that is special, that will suit your child, give them a cute nickname, and that will carry them through their life with dignity.

In saying that, there are a lot of names that I love, but just can't see ourselves bestowing on our child.

Scott and I are two of the whitest people on the planet, and the likelihood of this kid ending up with blue eyes, freckles and poker straight hair is pretty big; so a fancy/fussy name just won't fit.

It's a fine balance between wanting to be original, and giving your child a name that Brangelina would approve of.

Let's face it - only un-humanly gorgeous multi-millionaires can pull off certain names for their children.

So in our efforts to divert off the (and all of these names are super popular for a reason - they're all gorgeous!) Ava/Addison/Grace/Sophie/Emma-train, here are some of the 'different' names that we've come up with:

Dove - yes, this came to me in the shower. I was really tired and sore ok? And Dove is a delightful product!

Weezy - this is a Scott-ism, and he's still bringing it up for some reason.

George and Louise a.k.a. 'Weezy', a.k.a. not our child.

Petra & Piper - my mom loves the 'P' names, even they still give us the 'Pee-Pee' problem.

Story - ok, this one I actually loooove. I met a lady and her little 5 month old at a fundraiser the other night and am still swooning over this name. I'm just not sure I can convince Scott of it's awesomeness before the baby arrives in the next 2 weeks. Plus there would be two 'Stories' in a very small community... maybe I'll wait.

Siri - one day I get a phone call from my ~~crazy~~ creative mother, and she says 'I've got it!' I found a great name for our little girl!' So I'm bracing myself, and ask what this great name is, and she announces:

Siri!

It takes me a minute, and I reply 'Suri'? Like Tom Cruise's kid?

'No - Siri! S.I.R.I., isn't it pretty?'

I thought, hmm, yes but it sounds weirdly familiar.

I shrugged it off until I was telling this story to my friend K, and she's like 'Siri - like the iPhone voice?'

Ahhh, that explains it - so my mom must have seen a commercial, and thought 'oh, that's a nice name for a girl, and this lady is so organized and helpful!'


How Raj (and apparently my mother) envision Siri

Duchess - this one goes along with Pippa actually, as I had told my mom (again, this is one of her beauties) that my hilarious friend M calls Pippa 'the Duchess of Canmore', and mom enthusiastically jumped on the bandwagon - 'Oh Duchess! That's a great name! You could name her Duchess!'

Well yes I could - if I was giving birth to a cocker spaniel!

Duchess for this little one - super cute! For a baby who will one day be an adult - not so much.

So we're still not sold on a name, I'm hoping that 'the Duchess' will make it obvious once she arrives what she should be named... once all the blood and goop is wiped off of her that is.

(Speaking of that, I need to stop watching birthing documentaries and giving myself nightmares.)

We're 18 days out, so we'll all find out soon enough!

Sometimes...

2012-01-28T16:18:00.000-08:00

I just sit in here and feel so thankful, and excited... and a little terrified, but mostly excited.

Gettin' Nesty With It

2012-01-18T14:40:00.000-08:00

Fancy shmancy yo!

Ahem, these are the new curtains for the baby's room... made out of a chair cover like this:

Who knew I had such skillz?

...and sewed by ME! The same person who made the infamous Practise Cat:

Practise Cat!

Now that baby girl is 5 weeks away, and I have some time on my hands with cutting down on work, I am embracing my nesty side. So some sewing projects are in the works! Watch out Cosmo, you might be getting a new Halloween Costume before you know it!

Kitty Costume!

Everybody Was Kung-Fu Fighting... In My Belly

2012-01-04T20:20:00.000-08:00

So lo' and behold, the persistent little rump-like bump in my side and nightly kung-fu kicks to my ribs was not just my imagination, little baby girl (who still in utero is known as Pippa, 'real' name still being tossed around) is laying transverse - also known as 'lounging sideways, just as I please yo'.

At 33 weeks Miss Thang should be hanging out upside down, head-first getting ready for her upcoming journey, but apparently she prefers to stretch full out like a Kardashian on the beach, and make me look wider than I really am.

Next step is an ultrasound, to make sure that she's still gaining weight as she should be, then we'll get a game plan in place to turn her little arse around the right way; worse case scenario she stays stuck (and if she inherited the stubborn gene from me we're in trouble), and I have a c-section.

Boo.

But, in my hormone-laden state, I am zen mama, and everything will be a-ok, I just know it.

(p.s., Loving these hormones - my skin is the best it's ever been, I'm so excited for baby I can barely sleep at night, and I'm so productive/nesty that the house is looking awesome!)

The farther along I get, and the more people I talk to and books that I read (as well as getting info from our AMAZING doula Jen), I feel more and more comfortable with this whole giving birth thing, and am so excited for the next step. I know that I've had a pretty darn great pregnancy so far, and am in good hands, so all will be well.

Christmas flew by as I knew it would, and I have some new preggo pics to come - but I'm house/bunny sitting this week so don't have them with me.

(I know a bunny doesn't necessarily require full-time care, but I figure it'll be my last week of being solo for... ever... so I'm enjoying hanging out with my fluffy friend!)

In the meantime, think vertical thoughts for me, and I'll try to Jedi-mind-trick baby Pippa into turning around. May the force be with my uterus.

Wrapped up like a present!

Fireplace Coma

2011-12-13T19:26:00.000-08:00

Cosmo looooves the fireplace, and is patiently waiting for Santa to come and fill her stocking with treats!

A Warning For Pregnant Women

2011-11-30T08:15:00.000-08:00

You won't find this in What to Expect, but believe you me, once you've peed on that stick, DO NOT watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show.

Why you ask? Well it doesn't matter how far along you are, you feel at the very least self concious, possibly squishy, maybe even fat, regardless of how much baby weight you've actually put on. Personally going into month #7, I'm leaning towards uncomfortably big. (And 12 more weeks to go! Wheeee!!!)

In addition to you're changing body (and it is beautiful and miraculous, it just doesn't feel like that when you can't fit into anything without a minimum 10% spandex content), you are also forced to be on the wagon for pretty much a year - and watching a parade of pseudo-human, impossibly gorgeous, sparkly women stride down the runway SOBER is pretty much sadistic.

Bun in the oven? LOOK AWAY!

Thankfully last night was also the debut of the new What Not To Wear, so instead of wanting to claw my eyeballs out for a hour straight, we flipped back and forth.
It was sort of ironic actually, since I would go from 'I feel awesome! I'm not a crazy turtle lady!' to 'Once this baby comes out I am getting myself a personal trainer... and a spray tan', with just a flick of the tv remote.

Don't believe me that one can be a total schizophrenic from your couch (preferrably while scarfing down caramel pop corn purchased from the local boy scout)? Try watching these and not having an identity crisis either way.

Crazy Turtle Lady (she was gorgeous at the end of the episode - and not a turtle in sight!):

Victoria's Secret Show Preview (not the greatest quality video, but that's actually a good thing, because those girls in HD are not conducive to one's mental health):

Now imagine watching these with raging hormones and a sugar high (seriously, that caramel pop corn is preggo crack), and NO BOOZE to numb the senses.

This is why I made my hairdresser swear on her shears to NOT cut my hair post-baby, no matter how convincing and/or crazy I sound - since if I can't have the 'Angel' body, at least I can attempt the hair.

That's my rationale, and I'm sticking to it. Now pass the preggo crack.

A New Take On Sunday Dinner

2011-11-27T19:35:00.000-08:00

Martha's soft and chewy chocolate and butterscotch chip cookies!

It's cold and rainy here, so today was spent cleaning, baking (chocolate and butterscotch cookies... mmmm...), and napping; all which left me for a hankering for a real Sunday dinner, like Mom used to make.

First thing, mashed potatoes - ever since I got pregnant they are like crack to me.

Second - steamed broccoli, since I lurrrve my veggies!

Now what to have with them both? Well, we have tons of frozen veggie ground round in the freezer compliments of Scott's sister who always stocks us up from the Stupid Store, so I searched online for something creative to make.

And here came Vegan Meatloaf! I don't normally like or crave anything that is supposed to taste like meat, but love veggie ground round and this recipe from the blog Bakingsheet (now over at Baking Bites) inspired me - so off I went!

It is pretty easy to make, and I added some substitutes since we didn't have all the ingredients (revisions in italics), and even Scott-I-Want-A-Baconator had two servings!

Enjoy!

Vegan Meatloaf
(via the Magical Loaf Studio)
1 medium onion, diced - I used a 1/2 a red onion
1 large garlic clove, minced
1/2 cup carrot, peeled and grated
1/2 cup celery, diced - we didn't have celery, so I used about 1/2 cup of diced red pepper
1 package Yves Veggie Ground Round
1 1/4 cup dry whole wheat bread crumbs (lightly toasted or slightly stale) - I had about 1/2 cup of Panko, and then crushed up some sea salt and butter croutons... bread crumbs are on the grocery list!
1/4 cup oatmeal, cooked with 1/2 cup water - I used 1/2 cup of oatmeal since I was short on the bread crumbs
1 tsp ground cumin
1/2 tsp paprika - about 1/4 tsp cayenne instead
2 tbsp ketchup
2-3 tsp vegetarian Worcestershire sauce - 2 tsp of soy sauce
Black pepper, to taste
1 tsp salt

Ketchup or BBQ sauce, and some chopped cilantro for the topping

Preheat the oven to 350F. Cover a baking sheet with aluminum foil. - I used a loaf pan
Saute onion, garlic, carrots and celery in a large pan until tender, about 10 minutes on medium-high heat.
Combine vegetables, veggie meat, breadcrumbs, oatmeal and all spices in a large bowl and mix together. If it doesn't stick together easily, add a extra tbsp or two of dry breadcrumbs.
Turn mixture onto foil-covered pan and pat into a rectangular loaf about 2-in. high. - I put it into the loaf pan.
Then I added some of Diana's BBQ sauce and cilantro, since Scott said it had to have a 'topping'
Bake for 1 hour to 1 hour 15 minutes until loaf is slightly firm to the touch.
Let cool for 15 minutes before slicing.
Serves 3-4.

Who knew vegan 'meatloaf' would be so tasty?

Eating My Words... And Everything Else In Sight

2011-11-21T19:25:00.000-08:00

So I have officially got 'a bump', which apparently happens when you're 6 months pregnant.

Objects in mirror are larger than they seem.

For the record, it is not lost on me the irony of complaining about my flat(ter) tummy just a little while ago.

Dear past me,

Shut up.

Now go get me a snack.

In saying that though, here are some things I've found out about my changing wardrobe during my 20lbs and counting weight gain:

You don't (necessarily) need to buy (expensive and gawd-awful) maternity jeans.

Jeggings are a girl's best friend, and the ones from Garage clothing are 1/2 the price of Thyme Maternity's 'I Never Want To Have Sex Again' denims, sit low enough to be under the belly, and strrrrreeetttch!

(But if you are a fan of the built-in belly band, have at 'er sister - just keep them dark wash!)

Yes, these in fact double as maternity pants!

Sale at The Gap = Stocking up on t shirts!

Since The Gap does has a rather generous cut (ie: I normally wear a size small in t's, which is obviously not realistic, even if I do like my t's tight), hit up their sales to stock up on next or next-next size up shirts. The more pregnant I get, the hotter (temperature-wise) I get, so cotton t's in November suit me just fine!

Plus if you look online, you can get crazy deals, and silly cheap shipping!

Layers are key

I am not a fan of the visible belly button dent through shirts (although my dent is quickly disappearing), and I find that having a light tank top underneath my shirt at all times helps negate this, as well as add a cute layer.

My faves are again from Garage - they're cotton, stretchy but don't stretch out, and are long enough to have as a layer, or tuck into low rise jeans. No one needs to see pregnant-butt-crack. No one.

At $9, get them in every colour!

Flat shoes and boots are a lifesaver, but don't forget about the heels!

You don't have to be Rosie Pope on a daily basis (especially in -25C and snow as it is here for... most of the year), but I am still strapping on my heels every chance I can get!

Yes I'm walking a little more carefully as to not tip, but I'm still wearing them damnit! (Although I have been very fortunate to not have any swelling or puffiness!)

In between the (rare) nights out on the town, I am living in my Uggs and Steve Madden flats. Thank you baby for being born in the winter!

Pregnant in heels a la Rosie? Yes please!

Accessories are a girl's best friend.

I am admittedly struggling a wee bit with this weight gain - you can't go 20 years trying to look at slim as possible (except for the slightly potbellied, highly boozy years of 2001 - 2006 which S will NEVER reveal photos of thankyouverymuch!), and then jump for joy when you can't do up your favourite skinny jeans.

So when I'm feeling fat and frumpy, and have either consoled myself with a mini meltdown (thank god I have the bestest boyfriend in the world to lie to my face and tell me that I'm beautiful as there is snot and tears and liquid eye liner all over me), or a Fudgee-o cookie, I load up on the scarves and bling.

Hey - if you're wearing ghetto fabulous gold earrings the size of a computer mouse (my faves!), that's going to distract away from your mid-section... at least for a little bit, and preferrably you can hide the lower half under a table.

Me and B, we know the tricks, yeah girl!

Next up - pregnancy myths that I quickly found out were bullsh*t...

What's In A Name... Or A Bum?

2011-11-15T20:20:00.000-08:00

Ah the name game. 6 months in, 3 months to go, and it's pretty common knowledge that we're no closer to naming baby girl than we were with the first (of 3!) peed-on sticks.

What started as a joke, once we found out the sex, is now sort of becoming 'the name'.

And that name would be?

Take a guess... here's a clue:

Pippa. Yes, we all know I was a wee bit ~~obsessed~~ pre-occupied with the Royal Wedding, and I still ~~stalk online~~ keep up to date with the young royals, but really I just thought the name Pippa was really cute, bum or no bum.

There are definitely two camps in the Pippa debate, pro and against, with the one caveat being that Scott's last name starting with a P, making her name a b-b-bit of a m-m-mouthful.

Do we want our little girl to be Pippa P? It doesn't seem to have the name flow as first and last names with other letters, and sort of reminds me of Piglet's little stutter from Winnie the Pooh.

But, so far it's the only name, for better or worse, that we're stuck on at the moment.

In related news, if you are infatuated with Her Royal Hotness' famous backside, you too can (maybe) achieve the famous rump for about $38! Padded (Pippa) Pants!

Apparently very big over in the UK, where sales are up 148%; so I think Pippa's bum is still in high demand.

I may just have to get a pair, since the bigger my front gets, the smaller and flatter my behind is looking. And I do (did?) love my little booty!

Dear Santa, please send me a pair of Pippa Butt Shapers (or whatever they're called)...

I've been relatively good this year and I would like to have my bum back for Christmas.

I'm sorry for eating all the cookies. The baby made me do it.

Love This: Life Lessons From Barbie

2011-11-09T10:51:00.000-08:00

Ahhh, a day off. Still in my pj's at 10am and catching up on the hard hitting news of The Daily Mail UK.

(Beyonce's pregnancy craving is putting ketchup on everything! Anoexic mum weighs less than her 7 year old daughter! Latest shenanigans of cast members of TOWIE!)

I also caught this little gem from College Candy.com via Betty Confidential: 10 Life Lessons From Barbie.

This really struck a chord with me for a few reasons. I love Barbie. I was never one to have baby dolls when I was a kid, since even then I thought that it was a little weird to be a child, taking care of a child. I didn't want any part of changing pretend diapers or bottle feeding a plastic head.

But Barbie - Barbie was different. She was a grown up, a chameleon of careers and addicted to adventures. Her wardrobe kept me busy with matching crop tops with vests and mini skirts (and always trying to find matching teeny tiny high heels), and she didn't require any assistance in her personal hygiene or monitoring a sleep schedule. What 8 year old has time for that?

I still remember finding this Barbie in my mom's closet in December of 1988... the only time I ever looked for Christmas presents. I still feel guilty, but loved her all the more for the sordid start to our relationship.

Mostly though, Barbie was, and is, fashion. And each Barbie gave different experiences to their kids. Mine often went out cavorting with my brother's G.I. Joes, and later his Wrestle Mania guys. (Short but in uniform, or slightly taller but obviously on steriods? Who is a girl to choose?)

Oh Macho Man, even in a hot pink speedo you make those scrawny G.I. Joes look girly.

There was also a brief romance with Jordan from New Kids On The Block during the height of their fame (the first time around), but Ken was never really big in my Barbie world. I'll admit it, the built-in plastic underwear freaked me out.

Jordan and Joey - be still my 8 year old heart!

I only gave one horrific haircut to a Barbie, after learning that all of my friends were doing the same to theirs. I can't recall which one had to sacrifice her perfect waist-length arcylic locks to my kitchen scissors, but soon afterwards she went into hiding at the bottom of the toy box.

Long after my Barbies slowly left my daily world for homework, horses, and real boys (with real removable cotton undies), I still kept my fondness and respect for the woman who has been rockin' the perfect (yet totally unrealistic) bod for 52 years.

This is why Courtney's post on College Candy got me going. (And yes, the fact that I'll also be having my own little girl in 3 months who I'm sure will also love Miss B might also have something to do with it as well.)

The 'Life Lessons' are insightful and inspiring:

Reinventing yourself can be a good thing. - Madonna may tout herself to be the first one to do this on a consistent basis, but Barbie definitely has had this covered before Madge turned in her lace gloves for latex.
Marry a gay man. (Let's be real, Ken isn't fooling anyone.) - I vote for a non-TSN Sport watching slightly metrosexual, but still very straight and active man.
You can never have enough clothes. - You just NEVER know when you're going to need a sequined cocktail dress (even when 6 months pregnant), a cute cowgirl outfit, or pleather hooker boots (comes in handy for Halloween).
It's ok to have friends with the same name. - As a child of the 80's, I went to school with many a Stephanie, and can concur with this.
It's ok to have more than one career. - I just changed careers (again) back in January, and couldn't be happier.
Accessories matter - mainly shoes. - This goes without saying. You can have the cutest outfit ever, but if you're schlepping around in hikers (ahem, Canmore), or skate shoes (cough, Banff), it's ruined. Embrace being a lady, and whether you're wearing Audrey Hepburn flats or sky-high heels, just work it.
When in need, shoe boxes make excellent beds. - Although I can't say I've slept in a shoe box recently, Cosmo firmly agrees with this statement.
The best kind of car is a pink one. - Amen sister.
You don't need a man to get you pregnant (just a plastic belly). - We live in a world of options, and let's all be thankful for them!
It's ok if your boobs can't feel anything as long as they're big. - Well, to each (cup size) their own, and all boobies are beautiful, but I'll say it right now that if post child(ren) my girlies shrivel up into nothing, there is definitely some enhancement in my future. But that's just me.

So thanks to Barbie and Courtney for these words of wisdom. I will definitely pass some of them on to my own future Barbie-lover, and am looking forward to days of outfit changes, driving pink vehicles across the kitchen floor, and being mystified by Ken's undies. (But maybe now they've upgraded to built-in plastic boxer-briefs?)

The Great Pumpkin

2011-11-02T06:27:00.000-07:00

C'mon, you had to know this was happening.

A little hard to walk in...

But easy to eat in!

Oh we loooove Halloween!

The Last Childless Halloween

2011-10-30T20:00:00.000-07:00

Scardey Cat and Classic Pumpkin Face

Which I suppose will be the last one that I feel somewhat dorky for still

Eating copious amounts of candy;
Getting excited about putting up Halloween decorations from my childhood (that my awesome Momma mailed out);
Looking forward to seeing the kiddos in their costumes, and of course;
Carving pumpkins while watching old Halloween cartoons.

They do have some cartoons on nowadays, but not like when I was growing up!

Scott found some great ones online, and I've been eating out of the bowl of candy (what is it about a bowl of candy that makes it so irresistible?), having hot chocolate, and giggling away.

Next year we'll have the little Miss to dress up and start a whole new generation of holiday traditions with, and I cannot wait!

(I also cannot wait to be indulging in some 'grown up' treats next year - specifically of the booze-related sort!)

In the meantime, here are some fave videos:

Donald's 'Trick or Treat'

Garfield's Halloween Special

And some awesome person in internet world put the ENTIRE Disney Halloween special on YouTube - 6 parts of cartoon mish-mash fantasticness!!

Practice Cat

2011-10-22T12:55:00.000-07:00

I go to a monthly 'stitch & bitch', which is supposed to be a knitting group... but is mainly an excuse for some girls to get together, drink wine (or sparkling juice), eat fatty, cheesy snacks, and gossip. Oh, and attempt to be crafty.

The 'attempt' is mostly on my part I think, since I'm the only one who actually doesn't know how to knit, but I do try to be crafty, and my latest project is to sew a stuffed cat for little baby girl on-the-way.

The cat is supposed to look like this:

But knowing my home-making deficiencies, I decided to do a 'practice cat' first to get used to the pattern before I wrecked yards of fabric.

And it's a good thing I know myself, since little kitty turned out like this:

A face only a mother could love.

A little bit different than in the book... but I will now remember to leave an opening along the side for stuffing, and not do it through the face.

In the spirit of 'practice cat', Cosmo happily volunteered to help out with safety testing of the bouncy chair my mom sent to us.

...Ok, maybe not happily, but she really doesn't mind wearing a sleeper, and there were many treats involved as a reward.

14lbs of fur-baby cuteness!


If you build it... and provide treats... they will come.

Going back for more.

Proof that I had an accomplice!

Cosmo is a size 6-9 months if you were wondering.

I can't wait until we get the crib!

The New View

2011-10-18T18:07:00.000-07:00

It's not the Bow River, but it's definitely alright.

Bump-less and Bitchy

2011-09-26T19:45:00.000-07:00

Maybe Dolly was secretly pregnant... her entire life?

Is it possible to carry all of your baby weight in your boobs?

I've gained 5lbs in 4 1/2 months, am I'm still fitting into all of my pants, but none of my bras.

I'll admit that I'm new to this but What To Expect did not told me to expect this.

And ok, I know that everyone is different and I'm sure that I'll be rolling my eyes at this post in a matter of months, or maybe weeks, but for now this whole lack-of-a-cute-bump issue is just irritating.

Since I've already pulled from the 'pregnancy goodie bag of fun' the morning sickness (for 2 months only, thank gawd), the mood swings (ask Scott about the time the world ended when I thought we didn't have tomato soup), the tiredness and along with that, the abstinence from caffeine (and I was a triple shot kinda gal), and of course, MOST IMPORTANTLY, the no drinking (shudder), then I want the cute friggin bump in return damn it!

Oh, and the joy of a healthy baby at the end of it all. Um, that too.

In the meantime while I wait to, well, gain some weight, I've been doing lots of research (aka pretend online shopping: a fave pastime of my mom & I, where we share links to things we would love to buy, load up our online carts, then bail at the bazillion $$ checkout), and have found some cute things that I could/will rock once I'm bumpin'!


The Rosie Pope 'Hampton Tunic' in cheetah - perfect for weekends in the city, shopping with the gals! And a steal of a deal at $225, since it's not like I'm going to be making peanuts on mat leave in a few months... ha,ha,ha...ugh..


And Rosie's Coco Wrap is great just for shlepping around the house, sipping virgin martinis, napping... the usual pregnant afternoon activities.

Umm, maybe I'll stay away from the cheetah trio. And I hope the model on the far right had some harsh words with her agent after this photo. A cape to make you look even more balloon-like? Maybe not a hot seller.

Aw, Scott is such a lucky guy to come home to cute little ol' pregnant me in the kitchen, making home made scones and herbal tea! (And if you haven't clued in yet, if the bump is pretend right now, so is the life that goes along with it.)

J-Lo for Kohl's - what's up!? I'm loving this collection, for bump, and post bump (also to be known as the 'fluffy' months... or year.)

I am loving the leopard right now if you haven't noticed! And this top would be great with leggings and a belly, and belted after the belly magically disappears... because that's what happens right? It appears like magic then... goes away?

Before I forget, thank you internet and Victoria's Secret for a great pregnancy role model:

The uber cute Miranda Kerr (Aussie model married to Orlando Bloom) looking exactly like I will any day now...

...and 7 months post-baby boy Flynn back on the runway, just how I will be! (Except maybe by runway, I mean walkway, as in to Starbucks.)

Ye-eah, we'll see how that goes. I think if you have enough magical powers to (a) look that good, all the time, and (b) snag Orlando Bloom, then the odds of little ol' me morphing into a supermodel in the next 5 months (OH MY GOD THERE'S ONLY 5 MONTHS LEFT) are probably not that great.

And that ends (for now) my pretend pregnancy fashion adventures. I'll keep you posted on the bump, any celebrity marriage proposals that come my way {cough, Ryan Gosling}, and any other fashion revelations along the way!

Hell Hath Frozen Over...

2011-09-15T17:59:00.000-07:00

Oh my God - We're moving to Canmore.

Yes, that Canmore, of the 10 Things I Hate About list.

Our new town, lord help me.

After an extensive search for a new home for Scott, myself, Cosmo and baby-on-the-way in Banff, we branched out 25kms east to the dreaded 'Land of the Living Dead', as named by a certain Banff big fish.

Neither town was presenting any good options for apartments (unless we wanted to live in a windowless basement next to red necks, a mouldy 600 sq ft 'suite', a frat house, or a house that could be cute, if it didn't reek like cigarettes and pot and you had to walk outside, around the house, and down to the basement to do laundry. Call me crazy but I'm pretty sure that the laundry situation is fairly important with a newborn.), and I was on the verge of tears.

Ok, so yesterday I was in tears...a few times... and one of those times was on the street in front of all the tourists, where I then jumped on my bike home to cry to Cosmo. (Who's fat-and-fuzziness is very comforting.)

Cosmo will miss mouse hunting in the grass, but she'll have bunnies to play with now!

3 Years in the cabin is a long time for gypsy me, and the cabin has been the best place to live in Banff, and I'm so lucky to have made a home here. (Thank you so much ES!)

Hmm.. sorry, sentimental pregnancy hormones running away with me.

The best place - ever.

Anyways, with a dismal outlook, we ventured back into the dreaded Canmore today to view a place... and I fell in love.

It's big, sunny, clean, has in-suite washer and dryer, lots of storage (and Scott's fave - a garage), two big bedrooms where we won't whack out heads on the ceiling (unlike the loft in the cabin - there has been many a minor concussion in the heat of the moment), a gas fireplace, and a great patio with a yard that overlooks Cascade Mountain and the Rundle Range. Best part - there's no one behind us as we back onto Cougar Creek (which apparently only has water in it in the spring... so 'creek' might be pushing it, but whatever, it's pretty.).

The infamous loft. A little hard to climb to bed with a growing belly.

I know, I know, I KNOW that moving to Canmore seems like 'selling-out', deflecting, or giving up, but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do, especially with a bambino on the way that I don't want to raise in some mouldy basement apartment the size of a parking stall. Weird I know, but that's just me.

I just figure that it's the equivalent of moving from Manhattan to Brooklyn... or maybe Jersey. (Sorry Sandy, but you know what I mean.)

I can totally relate to my girl Miranda:

So it's a new chapter in our life - we're leaving Banff, where I would have been spending my 10th winter, I turn 30 next week (3-oh and Preg-go!), and baby is almost 1/2 way baked.

I'm so relieved, happy and excited, and will vow here and now to not convert to a 'Canmoron'.

I will NOT wear the Canmore uniform (see #6);
Smell like patchouli;
Grow dreadlocks;
Leave the house without makeup, or a bra for that matter, especially post-baby;
Or complain about the rabbits. (Unless Cosmo starts bringing them in the house.)

(And no, not all residents of our new 'hood adhere to these stereotypes, but there are enough that do for this to be stated. So relax KC ;)

We're happy, we're healthy, and most importantly, we're not homeless - and that is cause for celebration!

A Little Lohan Rant

2011-09-11T10:40:00.000-07:00

I know we're all sick of Lindsay Lohan in the news, the rags, the LA police department, but it's easy to forget that once upon a time she was actually the new 'it' girl, and actually likeable, relateable and normal... ish... for Hollywood.

Random LiLo rant I know, but after re-watching Mean Girls last night I do feel sad. What happened to the sweet little red head?


The Lindsay we knew and loved... or at least tolerated.

And now, a few house arrests, poor decisions, and horrific parental influences later, she's re-emerging as... whatever this is, at this year's New York Fashion Week:

And if that isn't bad enough, it looks like her younger sister Ali is going the way of the Hollywood transmogrifier (a little Calvin and Hobbes reference for ya'll), turning from this:

Sweet little Lohan.

To this:

Apparently she's going through a 'growth spurt', which is why she's so awkward, scary skinny and weird looking.

Ok, I'm done with my rant. It just makes me sad, and as much as Lindsay (continues to) make bad decisions in her life, relationships, and level of spray tan-ness, she's still just a girl in her 20's, trying to find her way.

I've certainly been there, except my awful outfits, even more awful boyfriends, and weight gains and losses weren't available for all to Google.

Thank God for that.

I Thought Placenta Was An Appetizer?

2011-09-08T17:29:00.000-07:00

This is the least disgusting/graphic image I could find. You're welcome.

So I got the results from my doctor, and apparently my placenta is low lying, which probably caused the baby drama I had while in Vancouver.

Speaking of - special thanks to Dr. Alan Chou and Nurse Nancy at Burnaby General Emerg - I was scared to death being in a big city hospital, so far away from home, and not knowing what was going on with my baby.

And for the record, I was in and out, with amazing care, an ultrasound, blood work and an urinalysis in a hour and a half. Do you hear that Ontario hospitals? A HOUR AND A HALF! Although I do suppose pregnant women bleeding does take priority. (And since you're wondering, I didn't see any whacked-out drug addicts, just one poster reminding people not to use alone. Safety first folks!)

Annnyways, I called Scott to tell him about this, and it went something like this:

Polenta - not Placenta.

Me: So the doctor says I have a low-lying placenta, which isn't a big deal real-

Scott: A what? I don't even know what that is? I thought it was some kind of appetizer?

Me: EWW! Scott what are you talking about? That's gross! It's the tissue in the uterus that the baby lives off of!

Scott: What is it? Oh wait, I'm thinking polenta.

And yes, this is the father of my child.

And I Wonder Where I Get It From...

2011-09-06T20:55:00.000-07:00

If she wasn't so botox-ed, she would actually look even scarier.

Daily phone call home.

Mom: Hello?

Me: Hi Mom, how are ya?

Mom: This isn't a good time for me, I can't talk right now.

Me: What?! Why? Are you ok? Is it Nana?!?!

Mom: No - it's the season premiere of The Real Housewives of New York City and I've been waiting 3 months for this to come back on!

Me: Ah, ok, then, call me later.

Moral of the story - don't anyone call me this upcoming Monday. It's the season finale of Bachelor Pad yo, and I need my undivided attention to see which of the crazies wins the Most Craziest award!

Baby Must Haves... And Have Nots?

2011-09-05T14:40:00.000-07:00

Uh, so how am I already almost 1/2 way to having this baby?

The first trimester felt like 100 years, with the barfing, the hiding, the expecting to get my period every time I peed, oh, and more barfing.

Now that I'm going into week 16 (and p.s., I also never got the whole 'week-by-week thing with pregnant women until I got knocked up myself. Now I do, since every week is one more towards a real baby, and things do change on a week-by-week basis. So sorry if you are in the 'why can't you just say 4 months' camp.), it seems like everything is speeding up... well except for my weight that is.

Side note: I know I will look back at this and kick myself, but I'm naively concerned about my measly 4lb weight gain so far. And I know every pregnancy is different, and I'm tall and healthy, yadda yadda, but c'mon, it's my first baby and what's the fun if you don't have the cute baby bump? Anyways...

Back to the warp-speed time lapse here, we have 5 months until wee bebe arrives, and we also need to move! Wheee!

It's all good though, as we were going to quickly grow out of the sweet little cabin sooner than later, and it's definitely better to move while I'm still mobile than huge and lumbering in the middle of a Banff winter (read: most likely snow, ice and -40C).

Which (finally) brings me to my point - hooray!

We'll still live in a small space (but hopefully with have an actual BEDROOM, with - get this - A DOOR!! If you haven't had a separate bedroom with a DOOR for the past 3 years you won't understand how exciting this is. Let's just say that I've spent a lot of time-outs in the bathroom as it was the only room that I could have some space away from Scott in. Sometimes you just need a time-out y'know?

Since we'll most likely end up in a one-bedroom with wee bebe, I'm on the hunt for what are the essentials for the first few months/year of a new baby.

This is all new territory to us, and as helpful as Scott is (*cough, ha*), I think for now I'm going to be doing the most of the pre-shopping.

I found this list from one of my fave blogs Pregnant Chicken on what the Top 10 Bare Essentials are for Baby.

My mom who is an amazing garage-saler (yes, to us it's a verb) has already snagged us a baby bouncer (thanks again Mom!), so we've only got only 20 more items to go? Oh, no wait, 18 as we've already got the All Ultra Free detergent (buy one get one free at Safeway yesterday!), and the Timing down - I'm counting on my fellow new mommies for some great hand-me-downs!

What do you think of this list? What else was your must-have and what can one do without for the first year?

*Reprinted from the amazing Pregnant Chicken!*

The Barest Baby Essentials

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Johnson's Baby Head to Toe Baby Lotion: There are good baby lotions out there that are super expensive, and cheap baby lotions that are full of shit. So I checked out Skin Deep Cosmetics Database (awesome site) to find a baby lotion that was reasonably priced, not too full of gunk and fairly easy to find. This is what I came up with. Around $3

Dr. Bronner's Pure-Castile Soap Baby Mild: This stuff can be used for EVERYTHING including baths, soaking clothes and washing hair. It is fantastic. It seems a little more expensive but a little goes a long way. It comes in two sizes – big and fucking huge. I'm not sure how widely available it is but you can find it online in the States and Canada. Around $15 depending on the size

Vaseline: It's a mixture of mineral oils, paraffin and microcrystalline waxes that has a melting point just above body temperature and it's cheap, cheap. You can use it on bums to prevent diaper rash and cheeks to stop chapping in winter. Some people aren't big fans because it's not as environmentally friendly as other options, but it's one of those staples that you can't beat if you're on a budget. Around $2

My Little Seat: If you don't have a lot of room or you find you're on the go a lot, this is a great option. After all, kids don't care what they're in – look at that baby in the picture, he doesn't give a shit – he's like a honey badger– so why drop a ton of dough on on a highchair? Some of the fancier ones can get up there but I found this one for $20

IKEA ANTILOP Highchair with safety belt: Don't think you could skip the highchair? Well, I had this highchair. I loved this highchair. It is easy to hose down and chisel cereal off that has dried to the consistency of cement. It is no frills, no screwing around and awesome. I would recommend this highchair to anyone whether they were trying to save money or not. Around $19

Evenflo BabyGo Dash Infant Carrier: I think everyone needs a baby carrier and this one seemed to get really good reviews and you certainly can't beat the price at $15. Hopefully the woman strapped to the baby comes with the carrier as well – that would be super helpful too.

Gerber 5-pack Onsies: Onsies are one of those items that rarely makes it into the hand-me-down piles because they get ratty fast. Plus, if the weather is warm, this is all they really need to hang out and sleep in. Around $10

Especially for Baby Sea Creatures Sling: Sure, I am a big fan of the fancy french bath chair that was whittled by fairies, but this is about $30 cheaper and does pretty much the same thing. Now some people skip the bathchair all together and just put their baby on a folded facecloth in about 2" of water in the bath which will do the job just as well. I was just too twitchy about freestylin' like that so I thought I'd include it in case you were too. Around $9

Digital Fever Thermometer: At first I had an ear thermometer here because I couldn't figure out how you could take their temperature before they could hold a thermometer in their mouth and after they decided that they aren't too crazy about having something stuck in their bum. Well, a wise reader told me you could use an oral thermometer in their armpit and just add a degree for an accurate reading. Certainly worth a shot and it's a heck of a lot cheaper. Around $5

Bright Starts – Fun On Safari Bouncer: I'm sure there are a few people that say you don't need one of these but this is a bit of a sanity saver. If you have other children or pets running around, you may not want to put an infant on the floor and propping them up on the couch has topple-off-head-crack potential, so this is a nice solution to keep them put and give them something to look at. Around $19

Gerber First Essentials Bottle Set: 5oz - 9 Pack: Even if you are breastfeeding there may be times when you want to have a bottle on hand. As long as you're willing to wash them frequently you can't beat just over a dollar a bottle for something that's BPA free. Around $10

Costco – Kirkland Signature Baby Wipes - 900 count: Costco will forever piss me off that they charge you to shop at their store, but these wipes are so damn cheap when you need something on the go that it may be worth getting a membership or finding someone that has one already (yeah, stick it to the man). $30

Luvable Friends Washcloths 12 pack: Use these with some water in lieu of disposable wipes to save some cash and give your baby's bum a break at the same time. These are also great for wiping hands, bathtime, or wet in a ziploc for a quick mouth wipe when they decide to eat sand at the park. Around $6

Receiving Blankets 4-Pack: I can't believe I almost forgot these. They were such a staple for both of my kids. Use them as burp cloths, boob covers, floor mats, change pads and, well, blankets. Get a neutral colour if you plan on having more than one kid. Around $8

up & up Baby Diapers Jumbo Pack – Newborn: Hands down, the cheapest way to diaper a baby is with cloth, but I saw a few sites that recommended disposable when they were newborns because they are in them for such short period of time. Around $6

Pack n' Play Graco Portable Playard: I'm going to get a little kooky here, and suggest you use this as a bassinet when they are a newborn, then co-sleep and use it as a playard when they are bigger. I couldn't find anywhere that said one of these couldn't be your full time crib and they are cheaper and fully portable. Get a gender neutral colour so it will work for subsequent children and it will be easier to sell down the road. Around $70

All 2x Ultra Free Clear Liquid Laundry Detergent 150 oz: Forget baby detergent and get a detergent that is free of dyes and perfume and you're good to go. All isn't available everywhere but I found a post here and here that can point you in the right direction. Around $10

Cloth Diapers: there is no doubt that cloth diapering is a big money saver. It's a large up front cost but it is far more cost efficient in the long run especially if you want to have more than one child. Many people will even sell their cloth diapers on Craigslist, Kijiji and eBay where you can get them at a fraction of the cost. Some people get a little queasy about buying used diapers but I say wash the things and get the hell over it. Finding the right ones is a whole post onto itself so I found a few sites that I found helpful at Your Baby Booty, Cloth Diaper Basics and Mom Advice.

Used Clothes: Babies fly through clothes in their first year and parents often overbuy in the beginning so you can find some barely worn duds at almost all second hand and consignment stores or buy them as lots online.

Timing: Lastly, my best tip of all, have a baby just as all your friends' kids turn one. They will be banging down your door with clothes, strollers and exersaucers (or as I like to call it, "the glorious circle of neglect" ) and they will thank you for taking them – a baby swing is a godsend when your baby likes it and a piece of plastic shit that is taking up your living room the second they outgrow it.

Now, I know this may not be the most practical tip, but I thought it was worth a mention.

I left out strollers because, depending on what you use them for (hiking through snow vs. zipping through a hot mall) really changes what you need.

I also left out car seats because if you don't have a car, well, you don't need one but it is a must if you are putting a baby in a vehicle. All new car seats are safe as they have to meet governement standards so go for the least expensive one. If someone offers you a relatively new car seat (nothing over 10 years) and it is in good condition and it's never been in an accident – you can go for that too.

I want to keep honeing this list so it's nimble as a thimble so post stuff you think would be helpful.

Happy saving!

This Week's Beauty Tip - Korres Mascara

2011-08-31T20:09:00.000-07:00

I was talking to a girlfriend today, lamenting about how the 'local' (aka Calgary) Sephora's have been clean out of my favourite mascara for weeks now, and she mentioned that I should be informing the world (or the 20-odd subscribing and my Facebook friends) about these little beauty tidbits.

So my pick of the week, is Korres Mascara.

As stated on their Facebook site, they are a Greek cosmetic company, with roots in homeopathic remedies.

I'm not really sure what that means, but I know that their mascara doesn't have all of the gross junk that others do (like petroleum and parabens), but still gives great coverage and lengthening.

It's claim to fame is the rice bran and Provitamin B5 formula - sounds like Pantene for your eyelashes eh?

Since I'm a contact lens wearer and avid makeup junkie (ie: never leave the house without it), this mascara has become a staple of mine. It doesn't irritate my eyes even after a full day of wear, or flake, and it washes off easily with makeup remover.

Only available at Sephora (when they have it in stock!), it's retail is around $22, which is fairly decent considering the quality of the ingredients.

I am on the wait list at both Sephoras in Calgary right now - but if you get word of its arrival, please let me know! In the meantime, check it out the next time you're in the market for a new mascara - I'm sure you'll love it's look, feel, and wear.

A Pregnant Woman's Appetizer

2011-08-20T17:02:00.000-07:00

And yes, I ate the entire plate.

Oh Baby, Here We Go

2011-08-19T20:20:00.000-07:00

Did anyone wonder why I've been so quiet lately? (Which is very unusual for moi.)

Say for, the past 3 months... or 12 weeks... which is also known as the the time it takes to get through the first trimester?

I will apologise for the silence, but between the shock of the positive pee sticks (yes plural, there were 3), the non-stop barfing, the obsession with canned pineapple, and the nightmares that the doctor was wrong and I actually just had the flu - I've been kind of busy, and couldn't not write about it if I was going to write at all.

So if you haven't guessed yet, I am good and knocked up!

We are very excited to have a baby (next to Cosmo our fur baby of course), and now that we got the all-clear from our first scan, and I am in fact carrying a child and not just gassy or off of certain foods for no reason, I have SO much to say!

But firstly, check out the wee one... and I know they all sort of look the same, this is definitely a baby after my mum's side!

This is in my stomach - RIGHT NOW! So amazing.

How She Stays So Fluffy

2011-08-07T21:10:00.000-07:00

No fabric softener required.

Banff Farmer's Market - Great Strawberries, Bad Hair Day

2011-08-04T10:12:00.000-07:00

Here's a short video of the Banff Farmer's Market from 'The Real Banff' Jeff Mitchell.

Wish I had better hair to be caught on camera with, but at least the strawberries were delicious and worth it!

What Summertime Means To Me...

2011-08-03T20:34:00.000-07:00

Living in the Rockies is beautiful...

View from the top of C-Level Cirque last Monday.

...but one of the drawbacks is the lack of fresh produce.

Thankfully we now have a weekly Farmer's Market in Banff - and my favourite are the strawberries.

The most perfect, teeniest, tiniest strawberry ever!

Growing up in southern Ontario, going to pick-your-own-strawberry farms with my mum and nana was a tradition I looked forward to all year.

And even more than the picking (and snacking along the way) was the strawberry cheesecake my nana would make.

I've made this cheesecake so many times I don't even need a recipe (and it's pretty idiot-proof... which is also why I continue to make it).

Nana's cheesecake:

Top Secret Ingredients:

1 pkg cream cheese (might as well use the regular, not the light!)
1 large container of Cool Whip (don't judge me... or my nana)
1 cup of sugar (I told you - why bother using light cream cheese?)
1 lemon - zest the skin and use the juice
1 ready-made graham cracker crust
About 4tbsp of jam - Nana would use black currant jelly, I just use whatever is in the fridge. A contrasting jam is nice though, like black currant or raspberry.
Strawberries!

How to:

Soften the cream cheese and Cool Whip.
Blend together (preferably with an electric mixer, or else if you're significant other threw your old but perfectly good one out, mash it to death by hand with a wooden spoon).
Add sugar, lemon zest and about 1/2 lemon juice.
Spoon the cream cheese mixture into the pie crust, then arrange strawberries in circles (or stripes, or whatever tickles your fancy).
Warm over low heat the jam, add any leftover smushy strawberries, and the rest of lemon juice.
Stir until glaze thins (a few minutes), remove from heat, cool slightly, and drizzle over cake.
Refrigerate or freeze for a few hours (can keep in the freezer tightly sealed for months), or until you can't take it anymore!
Serve with good friends and sunshine.

Before the glaze...

After the glaze... so worth the wait!

I hope you get your hands on some fresh summer strawberries as well - since it'll probably be snowing here in early September, I'm going to enjoy every bit of summer while I still can!

Tuna Tranquilizer

2011-07-14T20:26:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure if Scott is slipping something into Cosmo's tuna juice, or if she's just enjoying a good ol' fashioned tuna coma.

What I Will Do If I Run Into Will & Kate In Banff

2011-07-07T11:37:00.000-07:00

A Royal treat on Canada Day!

Since the newlyweds are touring Canada, and spent last night at nearby Skoki Lodge, rumour on Banff Ave is that they're in Banff for today and spending the night at my former home away from home - the Fairmont Banff Springs.

If Kate can sneak away for some shopping, she'll obviously swing by Avanti, where I happen to be working today. This has prompted me to have a bit of anxiety, and re-thinking my outfit choice, wishing I had got my roots done, and generally just panicking at the thought.

So, in hopes that if I put it in writing I'll get over it, here are some of the things that I would probably do if Will and/or Kate walked in the door:

Pass out.
Develop an inability to speak and they would leave thinking I'm a special needs person on a work shadowing program.
Throw up.
Trip over my own feet/anything in the vincinity.
If I was able to speak, I would probably talk way too loud and way too fast, and they would think I'm doing lines in the back room.
Pass wind (after which I would promptly commit suicide).
Or the very unlikely alternative of chatting away, sell Kate some shoes, get invited out to dinner with them and become Facebook friends.

Regardless if we see each other or not, I hope they have an amazing time here in Banff, and Kate - if you need some gorgeous shoes girlfriend I'll hook you up!

And I will try very hard to not barf on you.

How A Trip To Safeway Made My Day

2011-06-22T12:03:00.000-07:00

Since I had today off, I zipped into Canmore to run some errands and grab some cheap groceries.
(As you know there are not many reasons why I go into the dreaded Canmore, but groceries are one of them.)

At the checkout the cashier was a young guy that has checked me out before (serviced me before? There's not a great way to phrase that without sounding pervvy), and as we said hello and he started running my veggies through he gave me a smile that has yet to leave my face:

Safeway Dude: You have a really familiar face - I think you might have been a couple of grades above me in school?

Me: {shocked pause}

Me: HEHEHEHEHEHEHEEEE!

Safeway Dude: Uhh..

Me: Oh sorry honey, I haven't been in school for a loooong time, but I think I just may have to kiss you!

As I left with the obligatory ridiculous smile on my face, I promptly called my mom to thank her for my youthful genes, and her response was 'Isn't it sad that you're now at the age where that makes your day?'

Shhhh...did you hear that? The sound of my bubble being burst?

But, I don't care - I'm turning, uh, rather, leaving my 20's this year, and if some (possibly stoned and/or requiring glasses) recent highschool grad thinks that I'm remotely in his age range, I'm going to say thank you and be quite happy with that.

The moral of the story, take compliments when you can, and wear sunscreen.

You'll Never Catch Me Dead In...

2011-06-17T13:44:00.000-07:00

Inspired by all of the summer fashion blogs out right now (even though it's currently about 8C and raining here in Nosummerland Canada), I thought I'd better let ya'll know what I won't be wearing (once I can finally put my winter coat away), and let's be honest, you shouldn't either.

You too can have a skirt this ugly for only $480! Um Prada, wtf?

The long denim skirt.
Unless you're a practising {insert conservative religion here}, or are on a mission to remain celibate this summer, stay away from this denim atrocity.

How exactly does one pee in this?

The romper. Only cute if you're wearing knee high socks, rollerskates, and are re-enacting Faith Evan's Love Like This video (1998 what's up!?). Being on drugs might also help you, and anyone observing you, in this get-up.

Thanks American Apparel, for supplying ugly clothes to confused beautiful people.

The highwaisted short.
How? Why? Didn't we learn from past decades that if there is to be anything above your belly button, it should be part of YOUR SHIRT!
And I don't care how skinny you are, cameltoe is inevitable.

Are you Elle Macpherson? Then put those cut offs down.

Cut off shorts.
Once a staple of my pre-teen wardrobe, they are now banished to my personal Isle of Bad Fashion Memories - along with skorts, high-waisted jeans which required lying totally flat to zip up, and mall bangs.
Unless you're age has a 'teen' in it and you can honestly pull them off, stay far, far away... or you're Elle Macpherson who is obviously a genetic freak of nature.

See Nicole Richie's face? Does she look happy - no, she doesn't.

Jean shorts with black (or any) tights.
Sounds in theory like an edgy fashion style that just might work - shorts are cute, tights will hide white legs - but putting them together makes you look like a frustrated teenager.
Just add some Doc Martens, a 'vintage' t-shirt of a band your parents listened to, and a stolen cigarette and you'll be all set.

I'm not even going to dignify these with a witty caption.

Crocs.
Seriously? Seriously.

There are so many great options for cool and chic summer looks, you don't need to resort to these faux pas. So please, for your sake and mine, let's all make a pact here to never wear any one or {shudder} combination of these items.

Life is too short to wear ugly clothes.

Sometimes You're The Pigeon, Sometimes You're The Statue

2011-06-14T21:39:00.000-07:00

So said a recent email from my mum.

I was definitely a statue last Saturday where I proceeded to:

Pinch myself in the stomach with clippers at the flower shop, which resulted in a welt/bruise combo. (This has not yet promoted me to start wearing Spanx on a daily basis surprisingly enough.)
Get a milk latte instead of almond milk, which resulted in some not-so-fun time in the washroom... the washroom of our teeny-tiny flower shop...which 3 people share. Good thing the gals forgive me for being lactose intolerant.
Scrape my hand putting the water bottle in the holder. (Another welt/scrape to add to the collection.)
Have my tonsil flare up again and develop a new sick obsession with scraping the white sh*t off of it (insert gag relex joke here).
End up in emerg for 3 hours.

The emergency room was a result of me Google MD'ing myself for re-occurring mono (since I had it when I was 16, and have tested positive for antibodies in the past), and then send myself into a total tailspin thinking that I have toxoplasmosis.

Oh sorry - are you not a paranoid hypochondriac like I am?

Toxoplasmosis is what you get from cats, especially cats who catch and eat mice, ahem, Cosmo, and you contract it from lovin' up said kitty and cleaning their litter box.

So innocent looking... until the 4am mouse-lip make-out session.

The symptoms are super similar to mono, and in addition to sore throats and exhaustion, you either can't get knocked up, or you have multiple mis-carriages. Since Scott and I aren't necessarily 'trying' (which I always envision as involving thermometers, calendars, calculators, fertility dolls and blessings from Kate Gosselin and the OctoMom), we're not preventing a bun landing in ma oven.

But since it's been *cough* months and we are still bun-less, you can see why I jumped to such an educated, logical and reasonable conclusion.

Especially since I am the main poop-scooper in the house, and Cosmo loves to wake me up after slaying a mouse and gobbling them up with lots of face-to-face rubbing, and 'pizza making' (when they massage you with their paws, a la kneading pizza dough), I was pretty damn terrified that I had contracted this virus.

So right after work I rode my bike a block over to the hospital (got to love small towns), and checked myself in with a tearful 'I think I have toxoplasmosis! My cat just loves me too much, and I'm so tired when she wakes me up rubbing her mouse lips all over my face, and it's 4 in the morning and I don't realize what's happening until it's too late, and my throat hurts and I don't have strep but I'm always so TIRED!' to the poor nurse at the admitting desk.

My time at the hospital was actually alright, since I snuck in a 1 hour nap while waiting for the very nice doc, and yes, I'm relieved that the throat swab and blood tests came back negative for toxoplasmosis and mono, but am still concerned that I'm fighting off a virus which no one can find out what it is.

(I did get some polysporin for my welted stomach though.)

In the meantime, I'm writing off last Saturday to a bad day, and am enjoying being off kitty litter duty, as it is forbidden during the baby-making time.

Scott has taken over the scoopin', and I'm getting lots of sleep and trying to get rid of this damn virus the only way I know how - by killing it with wine.

What? Google said it would work!

It's Coming...

2011-06-12T20:09:00.000-07:00

Oh Michele, your craziness has been sorely missed!

Bachelor Pad that is!

As you'll notice, I love good-bad tv, and Bachelor Pad is the ultimate in ridiculous 'reality' tv.

It's like Big Brother (also awesome) meets Temptation Island (ah, brings back memories eh?) - and the drama, the back-stabbing and the hookups are just what is needed for one to feel normal and genius-like.

"Well honey, we didn't last after the show, so let's use the last seconds of our 15 minutes to humiliate each other on a game show! High five!"

Plus - if you watch it on HD, you will rejoice at the wrinkles, the horrible boob jobs, and the fake tan lines.

Oh Gia, I so enjoy scouring the tv for ANY imperfection on you! Scott seems to like it too...

TV heaven if I do say so.

Sleeping Like The Flintstones - Fail or Fab?

2011-06-08T12:46:00.000-07:00

Separate beds = wedded bliss?

News flash: Relationships are hard work.

You give, you take, you compromise, you move on. Sometimes you want to beat them over the head with a frying pan (or a paddle if you have control issues like we do and stupidly decide to go canoeing, which is now referred to in our house as the 'divorce boat'), so if you can prevent irked nerves at all possible, you do.

Having a sh*tty night's sleep doesn't help the harmony, and can turn a normal night in to a war over watching American Pickers or America's Next Top Model.

So after years of either being too hot with 200lbs+ of pure Saskatchewan self-oven sleeping next to me, or waking up freezing because said prairie boy prefers the 'duvet burrito' method, I finally saw the forest for the trees (or the down for the quilt?), when my friend K said 'duh, just get two blankets'.

Hells ya! Since then, we've been loving our slumbers - with Scott in the burrito, and me with a quilt (btw - hand made by my uber talented MIL, even Cosmo has her own quilt on her bed).

I recently divulged to some friends that Scott and I sleep with separate blankets, and this solution has raised some eyebrows, with my (loud mouthed and opinionated friends) saying that we might as well sleep in separate beds, a la Fred and Wilma.

So when I found this article on a study that having separate rooms may make your marriage better, I thought I'd share the news. The news did not go over very well.

You whaaaat? Have separate blankets AND you're a witch? This is too much - AAABNER!

Living in a one-room house, I have to lock myself in the bathroom to get any private time, so a separate room isn't going to happen for us anytime soon, but I think it has a time and a place, depending on your relationship.

If you're not compatible with your sleeping partner, and switching up the blankets doesn't help, what are you going to do?

Maybe he's a snorer, maybe you're perpetually gassy and often get asked the next morning 'do I have any eyebrows left? I think they got singed off last night.'*, so maybe after a decade or so of this, you just want to hog the bed to yourself and snore and toot to your heart's content?

(*Theoreical examples of course. Ahem.)

I think Fred and Wilma were pretty darn happy, but then again, Abner and Gladys also had separate beds, and they weren't exactly the model marriage.

'Gladys, take your medicine.'

In the article it's mentioned that by 2015 60% of new houses will be built with dual master bedrooms.

Personally I think Scott and I will continue to use our personal blankets, but if you want to have your own little room for a good night's rest, I say more power to ya.

But then again, we also sleep in our storage space and I wake up every morning to the Christmas tree beside me, so what do I know?

A $95 Night at the Movies

2011-06-03T20:23:00.000-07:00

I enjoy movies, but not usually going to them, as they're too time-restricting, I hate the smell of other people's popcorn (OPP), it's way more comfy on my own couch (plus I don't have to wear makeup... and by makeup I mean clothes), and I can take pee breaks whenever I like.

It's happening, oh, it's happening...

Plus, going to the movies, or 'the show' as my mom calls it, costs me a fortune.

I did make an exception to my no-movie theatre rule a couple of weeks ago to see Bridesmaids with some girls (who are super fun, and we had free tickets so why not?), and the movie was hilarious enough for me to not mind being stuck in a chair for 2 hours without a pee break (which by the end of the movie I desperately needed from laughing so much).

I went to see Bridesmaids again this week with two other gals (yes, it is that funny), and a quiet night out turned into an almost $100 expenditure.

Meet at Starbucks - 1/2 sweet, no whip, soy cinnamon dolche latte = $5

Stop by Roots on the way to the theatre - buy a super cute summer dress, at 50% off, and I will be able to wear it through the fall as well = $40

Movie ticket = $10

Candy (as I hadn't eaten dinner) = $10

After movie pizza and wine (at $10/glass) = $30

Total = $95

This is why I don't go to the movies.

But I do recommend seeing Bridesmaids at least once.

That's What I Get For Shopping In Stores Meant For Tweens

2011-05-18T16:48:00.000-07:00

I had to zip into Calgary the other night, and had a couple of hours to kill, so I headed to Market Mall to see what city folk get up to on Monday nights.

(Apparently it's hanging out at the mall.)

I was in Garage Clothing, which I really like for cheap tank tops, and the girl who was in charge of greeting and folding said tops was very helpful, as well as very tall, skinny, long blonde hair, and wearing dorky-but-apparently-now-in-style 80's glasses.

So as she checked me out I mentioned to her that she reminded me of Darryl Hannah, to which she gave me a very Darryl Hannah-esque blank face.

Then I said 'you have no idea who I'm talking about do you? Steel Magnolias? Splash?'

Shakes head no, a la Darryl.

I suppose this is what it's going to be like from now on - I used to be the clueless young'in who didn't know the 'old' references, and now I'm the one reminiscing about 'back in the day'.

Well, at least I can still dress like a kid, and have agreement from my 14 year old buddy C that 'you're never too old to wear a flamingo'.

Which is great, because I really like my new shirt:

I don't think that 'Playa Flamingo' is a real place, but it's cute, and at $14 (minus one blow to my pride), it was a deal!

Why I Miss The Looney Bin

2011-05-11T13:26:00.000-07:00

Also known as home.

Mother's Day afternoon, I call home (like a good daughter, even if the cards will be late this year... but technically Scott was tasked with that), and after speaking briefly to my uncle who was over visiting, Nana got put on the phone.

Nana: Oh, who is it? Steph?

Me: HI NANA! HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! (I'm a loud talker, and she's a little deaf)

Nana: What? Stephie? I can barely hear you!

Me: NANA? CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?!

Mom (in the background): MA! You've got the phone upside down! That's why you can't here her!

I miss those crazy gals.

When I Was In Kindergarten...

2011-05-03T20:16:00.000-07:00

I couldn't even tie my shoes.

The Royal Aftermath

2011-04-30T21:24:00.000-07:00

The day the world believed in fairy tales...

Yes indeed, I was up at 3am on Friday April 29, in time to see everyone travel to Westminster Abbey, enter the church, gasp at Bea and Eugenie's outfits (Bea's hat compared to a model of a uterus and fallopian tubes), smile at Carole Middleton's perfect mother of the bride outfit, raise a sleepy eyebrow at Victoria Beckham's double helix hat, and then, AND THEN - Kate slipped into the car, and stepped out with THE DRESS that will inspire 100 episodes of Say Yes To The Dress.

Sigh...

I won't go on and on about the wedding... right now, since I'm still ~~slightly~~ very sleep deprived... but if you're looking for the juiciest goss check out The Daily Mail.

Mom and I are hooked, and I know it's not for everyone, but a real life fairy tale, with a real life prince, and an awesome sister in law ('Her Royal Hotness' - loves it), who now has a Facebook page dedicated to her ass - that's entertainment yo.

ps - if you still have wedding feve-ah, you can Princess Yourself at TLC.com. I'm expecting Harry to come a knockin' anytime now, after seeing just how suited I am for royalty.

Bunny Showjumping and Essex Girls are Orange and Awesome

2011-04-28T08:23:00.000-07:00

If the Royal Wedding has provided me anything, other than questioning my new lightened locks and re-thinking my bangs (Kate/Catherine does have pretty spectacular hair), it's a love for The Daily Mail online.

Even if I don't know half of the celebs the (deliciously tacky) articles are about, it's still highly entertaining.

Although admittedly I do have a new found fascination with all things TOWIE (The Only Way Is Essex). It's the Jersey Shore of Great Britain: spray tans, fake boobs, and cringe-worthy relationships.

So awesome, although I do recommend having a British translator at the ready. Last Saturday S and I had to stop the (wine-soaked) viewing a few times as I asked 'what did they just say?'.

If you are curious, check out Sam and Amy discussing the term 'Essex Girl' in the dictionary - although Amy is rightfully suspicious that this alleged dictionary contributor must be from Manchester as Essex girls are not described as being 'glamorous' after all.

I'm not sure Amy could read the dictionary through her false eyelashes or see over her huge orange boobs, but I'm pretty sure she doesn't care what anyone says anyways as she's too busy vajazzling her clients.

If you're not familiar with vajazzling, please feel free to Google, my mother reads this blog and I'm not posting a video.

(Ok, I'm sorry, but I told you I'm addicted to this show! Now, on to the real news.)

The non-celeb related articles in the Daily Mail are also delightful, such as this report on on the trend of rabbit showjumping, which originated in Sweden, and is now being embraced across Europe.

I think Cosmo has some vertical training in her future.

I've Got The Feve-ah, And The Only Cure Is A Little More Wils & Kate

2011-04-26T11:26:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been feeling weird. My heart is fluttering, I'm constantly reading The Daily Mail online, and I find myself pretend shopping on sites such as Top Shop, Yogo Ego and Jigsaw. My Google self-diagnosis confirms it: I've caught the fever. Royal Wedding Fever.

I'm constantly reading wedding blogs, and (am still) impatiently waiting for my invitation to arrive!

The gals over at Betty Confidential feel my pain, and wrote a great article on what they would wear to the wedding, so while working at Avanti today I was inspired, and put together some ideas for if when I celebrate with Wils and Kate.

Wedding Day:
First up - the dress for the wedding! I would pair this little number from Anthropologie with a modest shawl for the church, but it would be whipped off while we dance the night away!

Topped off of course with the obligatory milliner hat (ps - Etsy has tons of great hats and fascinators!).

Which I would pair with the super cute red heels from Hush Puppy, and the sassy bag from Nine West, and a simple pendant from White Lotus, which incidentally...

(Do you love my photo-editing skillz a la Perez Hilton?)

Looks just like the pendant we have in store right now!

Brunch The Next Day:

This Nine West bag, Marc Fisher platform heel, and White Lotus cuff would be perfect for the day-after brunch with the royal fam!

I've been eye-ing up this dress from Pepperberry (the line from Bravissimo, made for ladies with large, uh, ladies) for ev-ah, and they've been sold out of almost all sizes. I'm biding my time though!

Drinks with the girls:

So many photo ops, so little time. For lunch dates with Kate and Pippa (who would both want me to be their Canadian BFF, obvs), I would rock the gorgeous Nine West bag with either comfy Hush Puppy's or classic JShoe pumps (also a UK brand!).

Paired with this adorable dress from Zara, the paparazzi won't be able to get enough!

The Honeymoon:
Oh - am I invited to the honeymoon as well? Good thing I packed my fave beach dress from Victoria's secret, which will go from day to night with...

Summery sandals from Nine West and Kenneth Cole! Flip flops for the beach, wedges for the boardwalk, and heels for late-night cocktails!

The Trip Home:

And what better way to travel back home, then with a convertible messenger bag from Nine West, and classic stacked heels from Cafe Noir?

Paired with this flirty trench from Top Shop, I'll just need some big sunnies for anonymity and I'll be jet-setting back home after a fantastic time with my royal besties!

...............

I guess it goes without saying that at 5am Mountain Time you know where I'll be this Friday - glued to the tv with coffee and crumpets in hand!

If you're also interested in watching, CTV will be streaming live, and I'm sure there will be days of re-caps if you're not an early-wedding-watcher!

And of course, for your own taste of Brit fashion, head over to Avanti!

Pip pip, cheerio and pish posh ya'll!

My New Love... WTF is Up With The Snow?

2011-04-21T19:17:00.000-07:00

Is Papa... but I call him Papi, since he is my Latin luvah.

Happy super Friday yo. (Super Friday = the Friday, or 'Friday' if it's actually Thursday, before a long weekend.)

I'll be rumba-ing through the weekend, dreaming of warm beaches and dacquris with Papi, instead of bundling up in the *$#&^@ F-ing snow.

I seriously think that I have developed weather-induced Tourette's syndrome, since I can't stop cursing every time I look out the window.

Papi, take me away...

Guilty Dog and Drunken Seals are my Favourite

2011-04-08T17:13:00.000-07:00

Ok, this week has been totally mental. I picked up a 3rd (4th?) job, and have been on training overload. Am working 13 hours tomorrow with back-to-back jobs, so will hopefully catch up on bloggy goodness next week.

In the meantime, I'm trying to also catch up on my 1000+ unread blogs in Google Reader.

Here are some goodies for ya'll to enjoy in the meantime (sorry for the msn ads, grrr).

A very guilty cat

An even more guilty dog

A dog who barks quieter... and quieter...

And my favourite:
(Does he not sound like a drunken frat boy? Or Sloth from the Goonies?

Springter In Banff, and You Can Now Comment!

2011-03-31T13:46:00.001-07:00

Ah, it's that fabled time in Banff - Spring. Or as we locals call it: Springter. Since it's still snowing, then raining, then melting, then snowing from March - June.

This morning I went on a rampage when trying to find something to wear to Avanti today. I am so sick of winter clothes, and bundling up, and being covered in greys, blacks and browns, so I pulled out all of my summer clothes, tried on all of my sundresses, and had a dance party all by myself.

Well, Cosmo was also there, but she wasn't as excited for my fashion show as I was. So today I'm wearing some layered tanks, with a white cardi, since it is technically still about +3C. But it's above zero! That deserves a celebration:

While you're joining me in dancing your face off, feel free to comment on cosmicnoodles posts now! I finally got around to disabling the comment feature, so you don't have to have a Gmail account or URL to tell me how funny and pretty I am. You're welcome.

Lessons...

2011-03-28T22:08:00.000-07:00

It's been a weird week of heartache, laughter, hard decisions and good times.

Like I said, weird.

So while I'm trying to sort this out, I'll keep remembering this:

From the amazing gals at Coco & Lowe

While I'm sorting out my brain, I continue to enjoy the job perks of working at the amazing Forget Me Not Flowers - including being able to sometimes take home slightly battered, but still beautiful, flowers, to enjoy while they last.

Which reminds me of friendships, come to think of it. They get battered and bruised, but are still there to be loved and appreciated for the beauty that is their own.

I Still Hate Canmore, But I Do Like Bunnies

2011-03-22T13:17:00.001-07:00

This is the funniest thing I've seen in ages, thanks to Sugar Says for the giggle.

Wow, I have never had such feedback from a blog post as I have on my Why I hate Canmore post.
I knew there would be some backlash, the responses on my Facebook page have been plentiful, and plenty funny.

(For the record, most people agree with me. Another thing about Canmorons is that they have no sense of humour.)

I did contemplate writing a 'Top 10 5 Reasons Why I (Begrudingly) Like Canmore' post, for the sake of not putting out so much negative energy, but then once I read my orginal article back I realized that I pretty much named them all. (Plus it doesn't change the fact that I still hate Canmore.)

So to recap, I like Canmore's:

Cheap(er than Banff) groceries and gas

The ducks in the creek

The fact that the town is over-run by super cute bunnies

And to round it up to 5 (Scott, S and I tried to name 10 things we liked last night but it wasn't happening), I also like:

The Grassi Lakes hike

I have to have some zen time after dealing with all the Canmorons on my way to Grassi Lakes.

And last, but certainly not least, the Famous Chinese restaurant!*

I failed to mention it yesterday, and I have to say that it is the ONE Canmore restaurant where we get consistently great food (mmm... spicy tofu skinny noodle stir fry *drool*), and service.

I know the urban legend about the little Chinese woman that runs Famous being compared to Seinfeld's soup nazi, but she loves Scott and I, always remembers that I like extra tofu, and even asks about Scott's mum after meeting her just once.

So if you're looking to get gas and groceries, take a walk to a beautiful lake, gaze at some ducks and bunnies along the way, then cap off your day by going out for awesome Chinese food - you'll have a great time in Canmore!

*Upon investigating to see if Famous Chinese had a website, I see in a menu forum that they're under new management, and although the food is still being rated highly, I'm concerned that my 'like' list may be cut down to 4. I'll keep you posted!

Top 10 Reasons Why I Hate Canmore

2011-03-20T19:12:00.001-07:00

If you know me, you know I ~~dislike~~ hate Canmore.

It is beautiful, and I have many lovely friends there, but man, I really hate it.

And here's why!

10. The town is divided by the Trans Canada Highway - super annoying (and dangerous!) for biking, driving or walking across town. And the 'short cut' where you sprint across Canada's main highway, risking your life to save 15 minutes? Uh, no thanks.

An aerial view of the detested town.

9. If there's a train coming through, you're stuck - Not only is the town divided by the highway, it's also cut across by the train. So if you're on the downtown-side of town, and there's a train, there is NO WAY OUT. If you're lucky enough to live in one of the condos that are right next to the tracks, and just down the way from the Trans Can, you are living the dream my friend.

One of the many train crossings in Canmore.

8. The downtown shuts down at 6pm - so if I want to attempt to shop at one of their stores, I have to bust a move to get there if I'm working that day. And if you're thinking of going out for a good time:

7. There's no nightlife - Trying to go out for drinks is next to impossible, although I don't mind being one of the only gals in the bar not wearing the Canmore uniform (see below). Canmore is also known as 'manmore' because of it's blue-collar roots, but keep in mind the old joke about the amount of climbing junkie man-boys:

Q: 'What do you call a homeless climber in Canmore?'
A: 'Single'

6. The Canmore uniform - You can spot a Canmoron from 100 yards. Hiking shoes, running tights or loose water-resistant hiking pants, some sort of athletic fabric top (probably with a sport bra, if there's any, for the ladies), puffy Patagonia jacket, and knit toque.
Only top of the line, professional brands made from organic, blessed by the Dali Lama, bamboo, free-trade fabrics will do. The uniform is worn running errands, to work, out for dinner, and really, for every day life. Oh, and just to be clear, men and women look exactly the same.

In 4 easy steps you can also be a Canmoron!

5. The service industry sucks - I have rarely had good service in Canmore. The only exception might be the hard-working old ladies who bus tables at the Legion for the annual Canmore Idol competition, but other than that the service is abysmal.

I just may blog about my specific experiences in another blog post, as there are too many great stories to be had: like the time our waitress was done her shift and just left without telling us - I spotted her smoking on the sidewalk waiting for her ride. Or waiting 15 minutes to be acknowledged (never mind seated) in an almost-empty restaurant. Good times.

4. Living there is over-rated and over-priced - Historically Canmore was an old mining town. Then the oil boom hit and the new-money Calgarians started buying up vacation homes, which then catapulted the status of living in Canmore, if just on the weekends, way up.
So although it's technically cheaper than living in Banff, it's still way too pricey to buy a 600 sq ft condo on a half-empty street, where your only full-time neighbours are the animals, which brings me to:

Canmore mines in 1935

3. It's ever-expanding in the wildlife corridor - since Canmore is outside the national park boundaries, it's a free for all when it comes to development. So new condos and townhouses were popping up all over the place up until the recession hit. Bear and cougar sightings in backyards are common, and then there was the legendary Skate With Santa party one Christmas when a little boy got nipped at by a brazen coyote. (Thankfully no one was hurt.)

One of the friendly neighbourhood grizzlies that frequents the backyards of Canmorons

2. There are a lot of snobby hippies - an oxymoron I know, but let me explain. Canmore has this 'we're better than Banff' attitude because they don't receive the amount of visitors that Banff does, and are proud to consider themselves more 'down to earth'.
But dreadlocks and hemp clothing does not make the man, and your unfriendly, unsmiling, 'oh you're from Banff? I could never live there' 'tude is not really conducive to you're hippie uniform, man.
Plus, I hate the smell of patchouli. As do most people with functioning senses of smell.

You too can channel your inner rastafarian!

1. There are two cliques that live there: The born-and-raised Canmorons, and the professional athletes - neither one is too friendly, and are happy to look down their spf-ed noses at you. The 'old-timer' Canmorons are resentful of the boom and scoff at the 'weekenders' (who are their bread and butter), and the professional athletes are in another world of their own.

Like ~~the time~~ every time Scott and I went into one of the sport stores downtown and were so put off by the looks of distain by the employees (since we were obviously looking for running shoes to run in, not compete in professional triathalons), we left with our tails between our legs and a vow to never go back.
Lots of athletes also speak to you in a sort of one-up manner; it's all about the technical gear you're wearing, if your bike has a carbon fibre frame, and if you went out to x-country ski in -20C weather.

Ugh, are you still riding last year's model? I don't think I can be seen with you. Excuse me while I take my spandex-ed ass out in public and make everyone uncomfortable.

Now like I said, I do know many great people in Canmore, and I am certainly generalizing here, but after spending this afternoon there and attempting to try a new place for lunch with (unfortunately expected) disastrous results (horrible service and p.s., when a salad says that it has avocado on it, I expect avocado, not a spoonful of guacamole), I had to vent.

You know that I also have some harsh words to say about Banff, so save your breath if you want to tell me that where I currently live sucks too.

Ok, I feel better now. Thanks Canmore for having cheaper gas and groceries, ducks in your little creek downtown, and I do love playing spot-the-bunny, but there is certainly room for improvement... especially in the wardrobe department.

How To Keep Your Resume From My Garbage Can

2011-03-16T14:49:00.000-07:00

I have worked with Bow Valley College in Canmore Alberta for a few years now with their Occupational Skills Training program, arranging for students to participate in placements at my previous employer.

A while ago I mentioned to the (amazing) program coordinator that if she ever wanted a big-mouthed, opinionated but energetic person to do a presentation on what HR looks for when they recruit, I would be happy to put on my tap-dancing shoes and perform.

I sent the coordinator my previous blog about recruiting pet peeves, which she (obviously) loved, and we set a date.

So this morning I drove through a BLIZZARD to the college, and spent just over a hour with the students from two classes who are learning skills to enter, or get back into the workforce.

I really identify with this program, and I think it's so valuable not just to the students, but for the local employers as well - to have a pool of fresh, keen, and newly trained recruits to pull from.

(The fact that I couldn't figure out the power point setting to view notes on my laptop was a running joke.)

We've all been in that position of looking for a job, and in this economy (Banff & Canmore are essentially one-horse towns with Tourism at the reins), it's tough; especially if you have been a stay at home mom for the past decade, and now your kids are tweeting and you're not sure how to work your Facebook and what the hell is Office 2007 and where is my typewriter?!

(Well, that's what my mom would say at least.)

I had a great time, and I hope they enjoyed it as well.

If you'd like to view the presentation have at 'er, and thanks again to the inspiring HR bloggers out there, who are real with their comments and cut through the b.s., which gives me faith in an industry that is full of bitter fuddy-duddies and salespeople marketing themselves as 'consultants' and 'coaches' (barf).

Frank Roche, Alison Greene, Laurie Reuttimann, thanks for keeping it real.

Job Hunting Tips & Tricks

View more presentations from Stephanie Andrews.

How to Help Japan

2011-03-11T18:48:00.000-08:00

Ok, ignore my pitiful post from yesterday complaining about a stupid snow storm.

Today we all woke up to the devastating news about the 8.9 earthquake and tsunamis in Japan.

Here in Banff we have a strong Japanese community, and friends are all worried about their families and loved ones back home; currently 6 million people are still without power.

Every little bit helps, so if you'd like to donate you can refer to this post on The Daily What with resources, or else you can text 'REDCROSS' to 90999 in the US or to 30333 in Canada to have a $5 donation added to your next phone bill.

It's a legit way to help, it's easy, and it's cheaper than a latte.

Thinking of everyone across the ocean, our hearts and prayers are with you.

The Return of Springter in Banff

2011-03-10T16:33:00.001-08:00

Vangroovy was great last weekend - hundreds of shoes and boots seen, tons of sushi eaten, and plenty of girl time had.

Then back to the reality of Alberta in March - and the crazy snow storms that come with it.

You know, I think I could live with an umbrella and wellies if I had to deal with the rain on the west coast, at least it would get me out of my knee-length down jacket.

A Weekend of Shoes & Springtime

2011-03-03T12:59:00.001-08:00

I leave this afternoon for a weekend in Vancouver, going to the fall/winter buying show with S, to pick out some fantastic shoes and boots for Avanti.

Yes, it's a tough job, but someone's gotta do it.

I'm also looking forward to seeing my west coast family, and bff (and soon to be a Mrs.) SG.

And in addition to shoes, family and friends, I'm REALLY looking forward to weather that is actually above zero degrees, and the only white stuff I want to see will be the foam on my beer.

Trading this:

Banff from Oct - June

For hopefully this:

Cherry blossoms in the Spring

And if this photo has some rain in reality, I don't care, as long as it's not snow.
I like winter, but 8 months of it is a wee bit too much.

Toodles!

Italian vs Eetaleeyan

2011-03-02T17:11:00.000-08:00

I read this post on one of my favourite blogs Postcards From The Oblivion, and thought it might be fun to join in on this meme in which bloggers (as well as others who have lots o' time on their hands, like me) videotape themselves reading out loud the words below.

Wombat from Postcards got this from Wait in the Van, and now I'm passing it along to you - my adoring fans!

Hi mom.

So here is what you say in your video so we can all make fun of each other:

Questions:

Your name and/or username
Where you’re from
The following words: Aunt, Roof, Route, Wash, Oil, Theater, Iron, Salmon, Caramel, Fire, Water, Sure, Data, Ruin, Crayon, Toilet, New Orleans, Pecan, Both, Again, Probably, Spitting Image, Alabama, Lawyer, Coupon, Mayonnaise, Syrup, Pajamas, Caught, Orange, Coffee, Direction, Naturally, Aluminum, Herbs.
What is it called when you throw toilet paper on a house? [on the night before Halloween?]
What is the bubbly carbonated drink called?
What do you call gym shoes?
What do you say to address a group of people?
What do you call the kind of spider that has an oval-shaped body and extremely long legs?
What do you call your grandparents?
What do you call the wheeled contraption in which you carry groceries at the supermarket?
What do you call it when rain falls while the sun is shining?
What is the thing you change the TV channel with?

A few notes about my video, when I first turned on the web cam I realized that I needed to (a) to curl my hair (b) apply more eye makeup (c) a nose job. Sigh.

But for 9am I think I did alright, and now that I think of it, I should do a follow up in which I drunkenly recite the list again, then compare the differences!

Ahhh, the great things the funemployed come up with as time killers.

See y'all later!

A Month In and Missing My Pants

2011-03-01T17:45:00.000-08:00

So...tempting... to stay... in bed... all... day...

Captain's log: Week #4 of being funemployed.

Sleep schedule is remaining on track, although the temptation to sleep in until noon every day still tempts me like a manatee in a blonde wig. (I've decided on a sea captain theme today, forgive me, I spend a lot of time by myself.)*

Food rations are low, as the loss of a regular pay cheque has stunted my hyper list-making/grocery buying ability. Note to self: Need to engage the co-captain Nose Whistle and galley wench Scott in this matter.

With these sexy moves, he's danced himself into the role of wench #1!

Days go by quickly, although I'm not leaving the house as much. But I think that can be attributed to the persistent -30C days we've been having.

Today there was a significant change though.

I didn't put pants on.

Ok, I should clarify - I had pants on, just not jeans or leggings or a skirt like a normally wear (even when I'm in the house all day). I got dressed and went right into my sweats. At least they're lulu sweats... that justifies it a bit right?

Anyways, ahem.

I'm trying to keep it together here, but am worried that I'll slowly morph into the latter person in this brilliant Oatmeal comic.

Friends, don't let me go out in public in boxer shorts and pee on myself. Never mind that - don't let me go out of the house without mascara on!

That would be (a) scary (b) unfathomable and (c) a sure sign to stage an intervention. You have my full permission.

*After re-reading this it dawned on me that the Captain's log has something to do with Star Trek right? Didn't sea captains not keep diaries as well? Well in my world they do, and if you don't like it you can spock it.

Get it? Spock it! Instead of suck it?!
Hmm... good thing I'm leaving the house tomorrow.

The Finished Product

2011-02-27T16:44:00.000-08:00

'The Garden'

Here is a photo of my collage for the Home Grown art show in Banff. After years of kicking myself for not submitting a piece, this year (since I have lots of time on my hands) I decided to shove my ego aside and just do it.

I had a vision of a story of my family, specifically the connections between my grandparents and mum, and since I love buttons (and collect them like Aunt Clara collects doorknobs), I thought it would be a great way to tie in the story.

Local Banff artist Tiffany Teske was definitely inspiring in this work, as I love her collages (and hope she isn't offended by any similarities).

There were more pieces of grass (lower left corner), but Cosmo kept sneaking up and eating them. I'm not sure how many other artists have struggled with a grass-addicted cat eating their work...

I won't be at the opening reception this Friday, but it's probably for the better as I'd be so nervous I would either throw up in Council Chamber (the show is held in Town Hall), or get really drunk on the cheap wine... and then throw up.

Anyways, I'm really glad I did it, and it's special to me, and like Picasso said: All children are artists. The problem is how to remain an artist once (s)he grows up.

And as always, no matter what, my mom will like it.

I'd Rather Look Good Naked

2011-02-25T07:44:00.000-08:00

I love the show Modern Family, especially Sofia Vergara's character.

She is just as beautiful and funny off the set as well, as demonstrated in this clip from The Talk (which I guess is like The View, but with less hissy fits).

Sofia gives the best line ever in this clip on how she was told to lose weight to fit in with other stick-slim celebs:

'They may look better in pictures, but I look better naked'

That is now my new motto.

Neglecting...

2011-02-24T20:42:00.000-08:00

This is how I feel working at the flower shop - SO happy to not be in an office!

My Cosmicnoodles.

How can I be 'funemployed' and yet be so busy?

Well I suppose between Avanti, picking up a (super fun!) job at a local flower shop (and trying not to sing like Eliza Doolittle while I'm there), completing two HR courses, working on some other admin contract work, keeping house a la Samantha Stephens while finishing season 2 of Bewitched - that keeps me on my toes!

What's that? You want to sing along? Well here you go!

(Oh, and a little voice belonging to my gay bff Cam INSISTS that I inform you that Julie Andrews is singing this song, not the lovely Audrey Hepburn. I'm just being proactive here as I know he'll be lighting up my Facebook wall with fun facts about Julie if I don't. So there.)

Cat in Abstract, or, What Happens When You Have a Nosy Feline

2011-02-16T19:02:00.000-08:00

No this isn't a new art project, it's Cosmo being curious about my scanning recipes today.

Although it does look pretty arty eh?

Deal of the Century

2011-02-14T18:59:00.000-08:00

Although this photo was taken in mid-February, these shoes are just waiting to be debuted with my black and white printed a-line skirt while riding my Townie in the summer!

Ok, I know I'm ~~unemployed~~ funemployed and all, but when you find a deal like this, you can't pass it up.

Now before you judge, check it out - Coach wedge sandals, regular $178, discounted at 75% off, and in my size.

You heard me - 75% OFF.

Now you understand why I had to buy them? Like, there would have been some law of physics that would have detrimentally affected the Universe if I hadn't, n'est pas?

I think it's the same theory that has to do with butterflies flapping their wings in South America, except this time, they cause designer shoes to go on sale at ridiculous prices!

Now I'm not one to flaunt labels on my clothing, but these were too cute to pass up, regardless of their label. (Plus the 'Coach' is pretty discreet within the squiggles.)

(Check out Gingerella Shoes on Main Street in Canmore for the remaining two pairs, or other sweet deals are still happening at Avanti in Banff!)

I love the squiggles - reminds me of Parisian art for some reason.

A sparkly and sassy bow is just the ticket.

I Wanna Be Arty... Fartsy

2011-02-12T17:31:00.001-08:00

Mom in the 70's

One of my favourite events in Banff is the Home Grown Art Show.

Held at Town Hall, it's an exhibition of pieces from local artists. Open to anyone, it features anything and everything from paintings to photographs, to sculptures involving old tv sets and mannequin hands.

Every year I go and marvel at the creativity and bravery of these artists, and kick myself for not having the balls to put something in as well. So this year, I'm doing it. I'm working on a mixed-media collage (which is a fancy way of saying that it'll be a mish-mash of painting, cut outs, photos and objects).

I began mapping it out, but had to stop because my stupid {insert favourite expletive here} back is acting up again, so I'm back to typing on the floor.

Above is a sneak peek of what will be in the piece. Hopefully all goes well, and if not, they have really cheap wine there so I can just get shmammered.

That's what artists do right? Obsess about their work, be self deprecating and then drink themselves silly? Oh - and be unemployed! Check and check. I feel more artistic already.

Get Yo'self Some Hair Flairs!

2011-02-11T13:41:00.000-08:00

Did you see Oprah's episode of 'most memorable couples return' a few weeks ago?

Fran Drescher with her gay ex-husband and a few others?

Well the last return guest on was Trina Marr, who Scott immediately recognized from the Calgary-based weight loss show 'Taking It Off', and she told her story about how she watched herself and her then husband on Oprah, realized what a poor example she was setting for her two girls, and that was that.

Trina divorced her husband, put weight back on, took it all off, and is now loving life more than ever running a hair salon as well as distributing Hair Flairs.

Oprah herself couldn't help but ask what was sparkling in Trina's hair when she was on her show, and Trina took that perfect opportunity to promote her side business, of these sparkly tinsel extensions.

I knew I had to get me some, so when I found out that B-Towne Salon in Banff had them, I raced on over.

At 5 strands for $10, this could become addicting...

I got flairs in gold, but there are probably 10 different colours to choose from!

Just a little sparkle to spice up a pony! Sorry for the bad self portrait.

Thinking of Spring

2011-02-10T08:54:00.001-08:00

The perfect dress for playing housewife

Even though Spring is still a month a way, and 5 months away here in Banff, I am already jonsin' to be free of winter.

Although we are blessed enough to have sunny skies for most of the year, that doesn't help when you're bundled up to your eyeballs because it's -20C out.

So today, I am indulging and dreaming of a wardrobe full of flirty skirts, dreamy long dresses, and being barefoot without worrying about frostbite.

Here are some of my sigh-worthy picks from the amazing Anthropologie (although you can bet that I'll be searching through Etsy for some original finds!).

I would pair this with flat gladiator/cage sandals, a wide brimmed straw hat, big sunglasses, and a bellini!

This dress reminds me of a 70's scene - hair wrapped in a scarf, wearing big sunglasses and smoking menthol cigarettes, eyeing up your neighbour's husband at their pool party, while sipping a gin and tonic.

I would love to wear this dress with cork-wedge heels, a cute handbag, and yellow accessories. If there was an adorable baby in a retro pram, that would also be fun :)

Sigh, sometimes I really wish I lived in Toronto. Wouldn't this dress be perfect for a patio party that goes late into the night? Or to a reception at an art gallery - where I would chat with the introverted artist, and make him giggle about the pompous attendees, and guess which waiters were gay.

I love birds, and I LOVE clothing and accessories with birds. This cute dress I would wear to the farmer's market, which I would ride to on my town bike (which fortunately enough, I already do own, and her name is Axel Rosie), and put fresh fruit and veggies in my basket, and come home to a bottle of chilled pino grigio which I would drink with Scott while he rubs my feet. (Ok here I am fantasizing).

I love the cut and the simplicity of this dress - and the empire waist and draping folds are perfect to hide your tummy when you're feeling less than svelte. I would love to find some cute sandals with purple in them, only to toss them off as soon as I reached the beach. I would just wear a bikini underneath, and it would be the perfect dress to go from soaking up the rays (with tons of spf obviously) to dinner on the patio.

How many more months until these can become (somewhat) of a reality?

How Not To Spend Your Valentine's Day

2011-02-09T08:02:00.001-08:00

Where I would love to spend this Valentine's Day with Scooter - Miami

The gals over at Vitamin Daily, a fantastic website which profiles the latest fashion, dining and entertainment in Vancouver, Calgary, Toronto and Montreal, is having a contest for Valentine's Day.

You have to post your biggest V-day debacle in 140 characters or less on Facebook or Twitter, and since the prize is a 3 night getaway in Miami and an Agent Provocateur gift certificate, I decided to give it a whirl!

I posted my sad tale on Facebook, but since I'm a ~~babbler~~ have a hard time fitting in my tales into a Twitter feed (although I did manage it!), I thought I'd expound here.

V-day 2009, I had broken up with Scott 6 months ago and was still reeling. In a self-destructive state I went to the movie store and picked up P.S. I Love You and The Notebook. The cashier looked at me and said 'you do realize you'll be crying your face off for 4 hours straight right?', and I replied 'I'm an emotional cutter, don't judge me.' And then (half joking) 'If I'm late returning these you can assume I slit my wrists, ha ha'. To which she didn't laugh.

I watched PS I Love You twice with a bottle of wine, and the only reason I'm writing this today is because I didn't dare put on The Notebook. Happy ending though, since of course we did reconcile and this v-day will have wine together!

Oooh Caaanada... hmm,hmm,hmm strong and free!

2011-02-07T13:38:00.001-08:00

These photos will make a lot more sense in a moment...

So the Superbowl is over and everyone is in an uproar that Christina Aguleira messed up the words of the National Anthem.

Admittedly, she may have wanted to double check the lyrics before she went on before a bazillion people, but really, can you blame her?

When the Olympics came to Vancouver last year, I shocked myself when I realized that I had forgotten a couple lines to 'O' Canada'.

Since we stopped singing it back when I was in elementary school (and yes, I'm just old enough to remember reciting the Lord's prayer as well), there haven't really been many opportunities to voice our allegiance to our country in sing-song.
(Minus the odd hockey game where usually I'm in line getting over priced draft beer during the anthem.)

And really people, take it easy on X-tina, she has a baby, just got divorced, went through the whole Burlesque movie hoopla (which was pretty campy but not as terrible as Moulin Rouge in my opinion, although Cher does resemble RuPaul more and more the older she gets - see above), and considering the joke that the American education system is currently, I would be less worried about a celebrity's mistake, than the reality that is a nation's ignorance.

Cue Rick Mercer:

Super Boring Sunday...

2011-02-06T09:48:00.000-08:00

And since we don't watch football, what else can one do but dress up the cat in Mardi Gras beads?

Cosmo will do anything for Temptations...

She will help herself to a few...

...but prefers just to stick her head right in the bag.

How I Love What Not To Wear

2011-02-01T19:16:00.000-08:00

Ok, by now you all must know that I love bad tv.

And I am in the midst right now of chatting on Facebook with my fellow What Not To Wear lovers about tonight's episode.

Whooo! What a doozy!

She's blonde, tiny, has a funny and quirky personality, and is plastered with makeup, wears bows in her huge fake hair that she must have stole from the dog groomer (I don't know of where else she would get them from?), and has a bizarre forced pursing of her lips that make everyone mental who was watching. Or at least, those who were watching and also commenting.

Did you miss it? Here's a taste:

May I just add that my favourite part was when they were going through her wardrobe, and hold up her sailor outfit, to which Stacey & Clinton ask 'where do you WEAR this?' and Denise replies 'well, what else are you supposed to dress up like on a cruise', and S&C reply 'uh, a passenger?'.

Oh wait, did I mention I wore that same outfit?

Ahoy mateys! In my defense, I wore this as a Halloween costume, not as a passenger on a cruise line.

Alas, dear Denise who with all of the 'suuuper cute's and 'I can't go anywhere without my poof!' (meaning her big ol' hair), said that she was going back to her 'old' look after the show.

Unfortunately she couldn't live without her security blanket of teeny-tiny costumes masquerading as outfits, and her Anna Farris in The House Bunny sing-song dumb blonde voice.

I'm sorry - did you not have the pleasure of watching the House Bunny with your gay bff like I did? Well, get thee self to the nearest movie store or Netflix, and enjoy the brain-numbing.

In other news, last nights Bachelor was fairly entertaining.

Brad and the gals left LA for Sin City, where Chantal the funeral director got a one-on-one date and a shopping spree (yes, drooling did occur) and dinner, and the Ashley's got the dreaded two-on-one date. Ashley-who-looks-like-Tenley got the boot, so old face dentist Ashley is staying.

Michelle in her infinite genius craziness pulled a great stunt where she took Brad into a room, sat on his lap, told him not to talk, and proceeded to purr about being a woman and 'sending these girls home'.

I turned to Scott and said 'all he's thinking about now is how she must give great head right?', and he replied 'uh, yeah'.

S and I both agree fully with the theory of 'Crazy Girls Get the Guy'. Michelle is certifiable, but by putting it out there, and being confident (and obviously gorgeous), Brad continues to be attracted to her.

Remind you of anything? Um, maybe Jake and Vienna?

My money is on Emily and Michelle for the final two, with the penis making the choice as usual.

Looking forward to next week though, and until then, keep your hair poof at a minimum.
The 'Hollywood' bump-it is not for those of us over the age of 16. That's why I faithfully use the medium size.

You're welcome.

My Bumpit makes it's debut at the 2009 Christmas party.

The Back Story on My Back

2011-01-31T21:22:00.000-08:00

Since I keep referencing my back, the hospital and sleeping on the floor for a week, I suppose that I should fill in what exactly happened.

Firstly, let me tell you how it wish it came about:

Monday morning I come across an old lotto ticket and Scott looks it up, realizes we've won, we jump around like crazy, race to the airport, fly to Hawaii, go naked horseback riding on the beach, spend the night drinking champagne and dancing the hula, then have crazy sex with no cellulite in sight, to which I am so amazed while admiring my now-rich and cellulite-free and spectacularly tanned bod, that I fall over my new Manolo Blahniks and put my back out.

But what really happened on that fateful Monday morning was I was getting ready for work, after having quit my job the week before, bent down to put the hair dryer away, and *tweak!*, that was it.

No kinky sex, no beach tan, still have cellulite. And now a busted back.

Insert frowny face here.

So I'm in shock, and pain, and the only thing I can think to do is to lay flat on my back with my legs on the couch.

I convince Scott that I'm fine, he needs to go to work, I'll just relax and stretch it out and will walk to work later.

Within a hour, I'm on the phone (he put my cell next to my head along with the tv remote so I could watch Canada AM upside down) crying since I had attempted to roll over to the fetal position and push myself up on my hands and knees.

Bad, bad idea.

With my back spasming, arm stuck, and having to pee, I continued my pretzel impression until Scott got home and pushed my hips up so I could crawl to the bathroom.

But not happy baby, motoring along, oh isn't this situation so funny and silly crawl, this was DO NOT raise any limb of my body lest it trigger some suicidal nerve I never knew I had, sobbing the entire way, takes me 15 minutes to go 8 feet - crawl.

Then Scott had to pick me up to my feet (while I don't do a great job of stifling my scream) so I can stand over the toilet, bracing myself with the counter and the tub, and have him pull my undies down, and then back up.

Like I said previously, if that's not love...

So after cutting me off from all fluids since I have a bladder the size of a lima bean, and getting me relatively comfortable in my long underwear (since they won't ride up when my legs are on the couch), purple fuzzy socks, nightie and robe, I pop some nearly-expired pain pills and lay on the floor for the day.

After eating some KD for dinner (while laying on my side and constantly having to push Cosmo out of my plate), I'm now in so much pain I want to gnaw my leg off. (Not that the pain was caused because of the KD, I'm just trying to go in sequence.)

The nerve pain is excruciating, and both my mum and mum-in-law are telling me to go to the emergency room, so I compromise and call the Alberta Nurse Hotline; where the nurse consults with her supervisor and they advise me to call EMS immediately.

Mothers are always right.

Then Scott and I argue about going to the hospital (which we now know I have to) in an ambulance or the car, which I've conveniently put into a chart for your reading pleasure.

Ambulance vs. Car

Ambulance:

Totally embarrassing
Our neighbour will think we fell out of the loft or something
I'll probably know the EMT and I've cried off all my make up and I don't trust Scott to draw in my eyebrows
It's been over a year since any sort of cop, fireman or EMT was at the cabin and I was enjoying the run

Car:

Unfortunately parked in the driveway... which is above the cabin by about 6 steps
The walkway is covered in snow so I might slip again
I'm not exactly a delicate waif so Scott can't carry me to the car without putting his own back out
My idea of putting me on the crazy carpet and pulling me to the car apparently wasn't a good one... or funny
I can't sit in the car, and Scott didn't like my suggestion of going on my hands and knees in the backseat

Scott won the argument and called 911, not before which I demanded that he put a bra and t-shirt on me, as I was NOT leaving the house without the girls restrained.

I am turning 30 this year, I know my limitations.

That in itself was ridiculous, as I was on my hands and knees, in my tank/nightie thing, long underwear and purple socks, and poor Scott is trying to figure out after all these year, how to put ON a bra.

The visual of a dairy cow also came to my mind, and I'm sorry.

This being such a small town, of course I knew the fire fighter that joined the EMT's, who had to shove my arse into the gurney, and then with the snow, ice and steps I had to be carried like Cleopatra to the ambulance. (Which under other circumstances would have been sort of fun, but as I was laying huddled under a blanket counting the seconds until I could get my hands on some meds, it was not.)

A short $400 ride to the hospital later (thank goodness I still had my benefits for another 2 weeks!), some poking, prodding, an impromptu pregnancy test to make sure my x-rays weren't going to nuke some unknown baby (negative), and copious amounts of delightful pain pills later, I was diagnosed with a sprained SI joint and possible slipped disc (which would explain all of my leg pain).

The next day I dozed through breakfast and then had the embarrassing pleasure of having a physio assessment performed on me by the resident 22-ish, mop-headed, just arrived in Banff a few months ago isn't it amazing-fresh faced super cute male physiotherapist.

In my long underwear, purple socks, and crusty face. Awesome.
(But at least I had a bra!)

So with a laundry list of exercises to do at home, and a longer list of prescriptions, I was discharged and got to go home - where I proceeded to live on the living room floor.

The only time I left the house was for physio, and it was a week before I could sit or lay on the couch, or sleep in my bed.

Thankfully mum-in-law was still in Alberta and came up to relive Scott of nursing duties for a few days and to keep me company. We had the most bizarre bunk bed situation going, with Scott in the loft, momma J on the couch, and me on the floor.

Now I'm still at physio, off the pain meds and the muscle relaxants, but taking the odd anti-inflammatory, and looking forward to getting the ok to get back to yoga, running and skiing.

At my last physio appointment I was gently admonished by the therapist for having 'lack of core strength' - a.k.a. a squishy stomach. Since she said I could do some machines at the gym (I hate the gym), go swimming (um, liquid eyeliner and blonde highlights, hel-lo?) and walk (it's currently -30C out), I've just been doing stretches and getting fat.

So that's where I'm at, about to be (happily) unemployed, and still slightly crooked and sore.

But, everything is getting better - my back, the weather, my soon to be super awesome new job(s) - and at least it made for a (hopefully) entertaining story.

Although I as well could have done without the udder visual. But hey, that's what happened, and you'll only get the truth here.

How I Quit My Job and Bought New Boots

2011-01-25T20:27:00.000-08:00

So, not only has my back recently snapped (ok I'm exaggerating, it didn't snap, but it is sprained), but so has my mind. Sort of.

Before I ended up spending the past 10 days unable to move, I (ironically) took the leap and quit my job.

My stable, career-related, best gig in town job.

Ye-eah... so I quit my job, sprained my back, was unable to do much of anything, and am now into hyperdrive figuring out what I'm going to do, uh, next week.

When I'm unemployed. For the first time since I was maybe... 16?

But you know, I always seem to work best in hyperdrive and under pressure. For example, if I don't have a paycheque in by the end of the month we'll be homeless! Wheee! Vroom vroom vroooom!

I'm not worried though, if I can toot my own dorky horn - as an employee, I'm a catch.

Give me anything and I'll take it on:

Need a policy written? No probs.
Got a new ad campaign that needs a tweak? I'll give you my spin.
There's 14 boxes full of squirrel buttons that need to be unloaded in the back alley? I'll zip out in my 4" heels and get to 'er! (p.s. this actually did happen... repeatedly.)

I've got tons of diverse experience, am probably one of the naturally happiest people on the planet, love meeting new people and having new challenges, and as you can tell am modest to boot!

(Speaking of boots, what better way to celebrate your impending unemployment than to take advantage of a ri-donk-ulous sale at Victoria's Secret! I picked up these boots in black, as I bought them in brown in 2008 and loooove, and for the love of retail, they were $31.99. Yes you heard me - $31.99!!! With tax, duty, a 20% cupoun, and expedidited shipping, it came to $50, but still, what an amazing sale eh?)

Madden Girl Riding Boot

Anyways, I'll keep ya'll posted over what I get up to, but overall I'm looking forward to de-stressing, doing something new, and having more time to be creative, do some writing, and read tons of blogs so I can send links to articles to my family and friends who of course look forward to these little tid bits every day... I think.

Wish me luck - now to pop some more back pills and get a good sleep for my return, and countdown to finishing - work!

Happy Little Bento Makes Me Happy

2011-01-21T15:01:00.000-08:00

Who wouldn't want a King Musubi for lunch?

I read a lot of blogs.

As in I currently subscribe to 60 or so, and some days there are 200+ posts to catch up on.

I don't necessarily read them all (and really, who does actually 'read' online anymore. I'm a speedy-skimmer fo' sho'), but there are some special ones that I look forward to every day.

Like Happy Little Bento. I can't even remember how I came across this blog, but it just warms my heart, and makes me hungry, at the same time.

Sherimiya is a mum who blogs about the bento lunches she makes for her two little ones, and in true Japanese fashion, they are so healthy, so well thought out, and so beautiful, that they are pretty much edible works of art.

I can barely throw some leftovers and an apple into an old lulu bag while I'm rushing out the door in the morning (when I can actually rush, since I'm typing this while lying on the floor with the laptop on a pillow on my lap), so it really is inspiring to see what one can do with some time, patience, and a Hello Kitty cookie cutter.

Hello Kitty & Bunny-wiches anyone?

Char sui bao raccoon looks delish! (Even though I'm not quite sure what it is!)

There Once Was A Crooked Woman...

2011-01-19T14:58:00.000-08:00

This is going to be short and sweet since I'm typing this one-fingered, left handed, while in the fetal position on the floor.

On Monday I bent down to put the hair dryer away and somehow managed to sprain my SI joint in my lower back.

Hours of laying stuck on the floor, crawling while sobbing my head off to the bathroom, and having Scott pull my pants up and down*, later on we finally called the ambulance and went to the hospital; since the alternative was me amputating my right leg.

I spent the night there, was discharged yesterday, and have been living on my living room floor since.

I can now shuffle around unsupported for brief time periods, and thankfully don't need an escort to the bathroom, but sitting up and walking are out of the question.

But there is light at the end of this medicated rainbow, this little gem I found on the addictive blog FourFour. It's a compilation of Jazzercise clips from the 80's.

It's horrifying, fascinating, and hilarious all at the same time. It also confirms the stereotype of the 80's being furled by cocaine. Enjoy!

(p.s. this took me about 20 mins to type, I hope ya'll appreciate it)

*If that's not love, I don't know what is.

Nasty Cute

2011-01-14T20:11:00.001-08:00

No, this isn't a post about a new hair cut, although since you asked, how do you like my grade-school bangs?

This is me taking a photo at 7:30am for my mom to see my bangs, while talking on the phone with my mom. She's still learning Skype - which she calls 'sky cam'

This is a shout out to Eliza Skinner, the blogger of Nasty Cute, who takes cutesy animal photos and puts demented, perverted, or borderline disturbing captions with them.

If you've got that kind of sense of humour, you'll get a giggle. If not, I highly recommend Damn You Auto Correct - where people send in screen shots of their ridiculously messed up texts caused by, you guessed it, the auto correct function:

And if that isn't funny to you, I'm not sure we can be cyber space friends.

Blonde Beyonce & Black Swan Akwardness

2011-01-10T18:03:00.000-08:00

Natalie is cuckoo for cocoa puff in the Black Swan.

Ok, still trying to wrap my head around the past few weeks, catch up on my Google Reader addiction (yay!), and get back to work (blech).

But in the meantime, WTF is with Beyonce's new L'Oreal commercial for Feria hair colour? Why can Beyonce be a blonde and I can't?
Scott has a theory that she just dyes her wigs, which does make me feel better. (So no, I didn't go blonde after all, but definitely got some highlights and plan on adding more over the next few months.)

Anyways, on a completely different subject, please consider yourself warned to NOT watch The Black Swan with anyone other than your SO, BFF, or gay BFF.

Ballerinas going crazy, fantastic costumes, an impossibly gorgeous Natalie Portman (for the record, I could stare at her reading a book for 2 hours and be just as fascinated) - sounds like a great flick right?

Well the previews and blog reviews neglect to inform you (or maybe my finely tuned internet skim-reading technique missed) that there is some hard core sexual tension between two of the dancers, a full-on, uh how do I put this delicately, female-on-female fellatio scene, masturbation, drug useage, psychotic hallucinations, and stabbings.

So, y' know, NOT the kind of movie you want to watch with your 65 year old MOTHER IN LAW.

Who, being the sweet and lovely woman that she is, actually resorted to hiding under a blanket under the couch at some scenes (particularly the lesbo-love scene), and had the great comment 'no wonder girls these days are so confused'.

I was actually shaking at the end of that movie, and my heart was pounding (not just from embarrassment). Such a great movie, but not one for first dates or family movie night.

If you're looking for more commentary, the hilarious team at The Frisky have a great post, but have you seen Black Swan yet? What did you think?

Home is where the heart is

2011-01-05T20:13:00.000-08:00

So I've been totally off the grid for several weeks now - between flying home for Christmas, coming to the reality of what my mom goes through on a daily basis taking care of my 90 year old nana, flying back to Banff, leaving for a 11-hour drive to Saskatchewan the next morning, coming to the reality of Scott's older brother who has Huntington's disease and is living in a long-term care facility, driving back 11 hours, and trying to get back to 'normal'.

(FYI, I don't recommend being in 3 provinces and 2 states in 2 days. Looking back I realize just how stoned I was from Gravol and Ativan in the Chicago airport. It's a wonder I made my flights at all.)

I'm not sure what normal is right now, but I definitely don't feel it. I have lots of stories, both happy (spoiler alert: a fart in a grocery aisle and mom & I falling apart laughing), and sad, but for now I need more sleep. Lots and lots of sleep. In my own bed.. ahhh...

In the meantime, I will keep smiling thinking of my nana giggling at Judge Judy... which she has probably already seen earlier in the day but doesn't remember.

I'll Be Home For Christmas

2010-12-19T18:49:00.001-08:00

We're getting up at 3:30am tomorrow to head for the airport, then I'm homeward bound via Chicago and Buffalo.

I haven't gone home through the States before, so I'm sure with the holiday rush, and new choices of full body screens or full body pat downs, it'll be an adventure going through security.

Thankfully I'm fully stocked up with Gravol, Ativan, gum and scotch mints. My essentials for flying... especially since I barfed the last time I flew :(

Fingers crossed I don't end up stuck in Chicago... or if I do Oprah finally realizes that we are meant to be bff's and we spend the holidays playing with the dogs, sipping herbal tea, and giggling at Steadman's stache.

But hopefully us gals can hang together in the kitchen instead:

I Heart Simon's Cat

2010-12-14T19:48:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure if you've come across this comic/animation site before, but if you're a fan of cute and funny, and love kitties, then you'll become addicted to Simon's Cat.

I love how it's simple, cute, real(ish), and most of all, has funny kitty faces.

(And yes, this will be my last cat post for a while, I promise... unless Cosmo does something really funny in the next week.)

Cookie Monster

2010-12-13T16:34:00.000-08:00

Excuse me while I slip into my crazy cat lady hat and regal you with another charming tale of Cosmo's, well, weirdness.

I a made gingerbread cookie at the kid's Christmas party on Saturday morning, and one of the kids gave me one to take home.

Lefty was made by little Hannah, I made righty to look like Scott with man-bangs.

I brought them home and was excited for an icing-infused sugar rush, when I busted ol' Captain Nosewhistle lick, lick, licking away at the tasty men.

Ooooh... sooo delicious... sugary goodness...

Num num you have a tasty face man-bang ginger Scott!

I have never known a cat who has such a sweet tooth. Cookies, coconut-lemon squares, cake... she is the feline version of a 'before' Jenny Craig celeb.

(For the record, I do monitor her weight (steady at 14lbs), and the vet did say that human treats in moderation are ok.)

But for now, the cookies are staying out of reach, and then to the garbage once the novelty has worn of... unless I decide to give them away as an evil Christmas gift.

Hmm... that might bump me to the 'naughty' list though. Better not chance it.